The 

MARRIAGE 


A  COMEDY  IN 
THREE  ACTS  by 

ANNE  CRAWFORD  FLEXNER 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 
OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 

GIFT  OF 

Professor  Kenneth 
KacGovran 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 


A   Comedy  in  Three  Acts,  by 
ANNE  CRAWFORD  FLEXNER 


NEW  YORK 

B.  W.  HUEBSCH 
MCMXVI 


COPYRIGHT,  1913,  BY  ANNE  CRAWFORD  PLEXNER 

COPYRIGHT,    1916,   BY  B.   W.  HDEBSCH 

All  rights  reserved. 


This  play  is  fully  protected  by  copyright  law,  all  re- 
quirements of  which  have  been  complied  with.  In  its 
present  form  it  is  dedicated  to  the  reading  public  only, 
and  no  performance  of  it  may  be  given  without  the 
written  permission  of  Anne  Crawford  Plexner,  owner 
of  the  acting  rights,  who  may  be  addressed  in  care  of 
the  publisher. 


-pj 

351 

F  £ 


So 

THE  AMERICAN  HUSBAND 


93134.0 


CHARACTERS 

NEVIL  INGRAHAM 

CHARLIE  FROST 

JIM  PACKARD 

TOM  UPDEGRAFF,  Ingraham's  brother-in-law 

JENKS 

ASSISTANT  STEWARD 

RACIE  UPDEGRAFF,  Ingraham's  sister 

MRS.  FROST 

MRS.  PACKARD 

MRS.  OLIVER 

The   action   takes   place   within   twenty-four  hours,  on 
board  Ingraham's  yacht. 

ACT  I 

Deck  of  Ingraham's  yacht,  "The  Bachelor."     (An  after- 
noon in  June.} 

ACT  II 

The  saloon  of  "The  Bachelor."     (Several  hours  later.) 

ACT  III 

"The  Bachelor"  New  London  Harbour.     (Early  next 
morning.) 

TIME:    The  Present. 


Produced  at  the  COMEDY  THEATRE,  NEW  YORK,  on 

October  2pth,  1913,  with  the 

following  cast: 

NEVIL  INGRAHAM     .      .  Orrin  Johnson 

CHARLIE  FROST    .      .      .  William  Sampson 

JIM  PACKARD      .      .      .  George  W.  Howard 

TOM  UPDEGRAFF       .      .  Charles  Trobridge 

JENKS Fred  Mosley 

ASSISTANT  STEWARD       .  Walter  Grey 

RACIE  UPDEGRAFF     .      .  Vivian  Martin 

MRS.  FROST    ....  Josephine  Lovett 

MRS.  PACKARD     .      .      .  Alison  Skipworth 

MRS.  OLIVER        .      .      .  Alexandra  Carlisle 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

ACT  I 

SCENE  :  Deck  of  Ingraham's  yacht  The  Bachelor, 
which  is  lying  at  the  pier  of  the  New  York 
Yacht  Club  at  foot  of  East  2jd  Street.  The 
deck  is  glistening  white  and  is  seen  from  the 
second  mast  to  the  stern.  To  the  Right  of  the 
mast  is  the  roof  of  a  small  skylight  with  a 
cushioned  seat.  To  the  Left  a  companionway 
with  the  hood  pushed  back,  leading  to  the 
saloon  below.  Behind  this  is  the  steering- 
wheel  and  the  stern  rail  of  the  boat,  with  the 
United  States  Yacht  Club's  ensign  flying  from 
the  staff.  On  the  starboard  side  is  a  launch, 
suspended  from  the  davits;  just  forward  of  that 
is  the  owner's  gangway.  Life-preservers,  with 
the  yacht's  name  "The  Bachelor''  in  black  let- 
tering on  a  white  ground,  are  in  evidence. 
There  is  a  group  of  wicker  chairs  with  cushions 
of  brilliant  chintz  down  Left,  and  a  wicker 
table  on  which  are  some  books  and  flowers. 
7 


8  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

All  the  brass  fittings  of  the  deck  glitter  in  the 
sunlight,  which  is  that  of  a  warm  afternoon  in 
June.  A  back-drop  of  the  East  River,  with 
white  gulls  skimming  against  the  blue. 

DISCOVERED  AT  RISE:  JENKS  who  is  arranging 
the  rugs  and  cushions  in  the  deck-chairs,  books 
and  flowers  on  table  R.  C.  and  busying  himself 
about  the  deck,  humming  aloud  the  air  "I'm 
going  to  be  a  honeymoon  girl,  With  my  hus- 
band by  my  side" — Enter  ASST.  STEWARD,  a 
trim  young  cockney,  who  carries  three  huge 
•flower-boxes  tied  with  wide  ribbons.  Both 
wear  white  duck  uniforms  and  white  sneakers. 

ASST.    STEWARD 

[Holding    boxes    upJ\     More    flowers!     My 
guess  is — lidies  aboard! 

[Putting  boxes  on  table,  knocks  a  box  of 
candy  on  to  deck.] 

JENKS 

You  ain't  paid  fer  guessin' —    Clean  up  that 
mess.  .  .  . 

ASST.    STEWARD 

[Taking  a  cloth  out  of  his  pocket  and  rubbing 
the  deck  as  he  talks. ~\     Me   first  idea   wuz   a 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  9 

bachelor-cruise.  Mr.  Ingraham's  give  orders  for 
a  h'extry  supply  of  cigars,  and  old  port  with  the 
champagne,  that  pints  ter  gentlemen. 

[Throws  candy  overboard.] 

JENKS 

Not  pints,  quarts! 

ASST.    STEWARD 

But  h'all  this  confectionery,  an'  new  novels, 
an'  flowers !  You  can  take  it  from  me  that  spells 
lidies! 

JENKS 

Oh,  dry  up ! 

ASST.    STEWARD 

[With  a  knowing  wink.]  Not  that  I  ain't 
seen  lidies  on  a  bachelor-cruise  afore  now !  H'as 
for  flowers,  I've  seen  staterooms  fair  smothered 
in  'em.  [Lowers  his  voice]  I  seen  a  berth  once, 
as  was  jist  a  bed  of  wiolets! 

JENKS 

[Witheringly.]  You  seen  enough,  most 
likely,  when  you  was  among  them  Britishers! 
There's  heaps  of  boats  right  here  in  the  Sound  7 
wouldn't  ship  with,  knowin'  what  goes  on  in  'em. 


10  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

But  it's  a  pleasure  to  sail  under  a  decent,  god- 
fearin'  man  like  Mr.  Ingraham,  and  you  can  take 
it  from  me  that,  if  this  here's  a  bachelor-cruise, 
there'll  be  no  females  aboard. 

ASST.    STEWARD 

[  Very  sly.]  Not  when  we  leaves  port  perhaps. 
You  can't  never  tell  what  may  'appen  to  you  in 
strynge  waters! 

JENKS 

Mr.  Ingraham  don't  navigate  no  strange 
waters,  you  darned  idjit!  [A  SAILOR  carrying  a 
steamer-trunk  on  his  shoulder,  and  a  hat-trunk 
in  his  hand,  enters  R.]  Where  you  goin'  with 
that  trunk?  Baggage  to  the  forward  hatchway! 
Don't  set  it  down!  [To  ASST.  STEWARD.] 
Here,  you! 

ASST.    STEWARD 

[Takes  hat-trunk.]  If  that  ain't  a  female! 
[Reading  name.]  "Missis  Up-giraffe?" 

JENKS 

"Updegraff."  It's  Mr.  Ingraham's  sister. 
We  always  have  good  weather  when  Miss  Racie's 
aboard!  Take  'em  to  stateroom  No.  i,  and  look 
sharp  about  the  paint. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  11 

[As  the  ASST.  STEWARD  exits  forward  Right, 
IN  GRAHAM,  dressed  for  yachting,  runs  up 
the  companionway  and  steps  on  the  deck. 
He  looks  at  the  watch  he  has  in  his  hand, 
and  is  in  radiant  high  spirits. \ 

INGRAHAM 

Whose  luggage  was  that,  Jenks*? 

JENKS 
[Saluting.]     Mrs.  Updegraff's,  sir. 

INGRAHAM 

[Returns  his  watch  to  his  rpocket,  after  glancing 
at  it.]  And  Mr.  Updegraff's'? 

JENKS 

[Taken  aback.]  There  was  a  trunk,  sir. 
Ain't  their  luggage  together? 

INGRAHAM 

No,  it's  not.  It  couldn't  be,  for  the  simple 
reason  that  neither  one  of  'em  knows  the  other 
one's  coming.  It's  a  little  surprise  I'm  planning, 
Jenks. 

JENKS 

It's  a  long  time  since  Miss  Racie  and  Mr.  Tom's 
been  out  with  us,  sir.  They  spent  their  honey- 


12  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

moon  on  this  boat,  if  you'll  rec'lect,  sir,  cruising. 
Just  two  years  ago  this  week  it  was,  sir. 

INGRAHAM 

Yes,  time  the  young  people  were  having  an- 
other, eh,  Jenks?  So  I  planned  this  cruise  for 
their  second  honeymoon. 

JENKS 

I  see,  sir!  Beggin'  your  pardon,  sir,  I  never 
heard  of  any  kind  of  a  honeymoon  where  one 
party  didn't  know  the  other  one  wuz  a  comin', 
sir! 

INGRAHAM 

I  got  the  idea  from  a  newspaper  clipping. 
[Feeling  in  his  vest  pocket,  stops  suddenly.} 
The  cards!  I  forgot  to  give  you  the  cards  for 
the  staterooms.  [Takes  cards  from  vest  pocket 
and  hands  them  one  at  a  time  to  JENKS.]  Put 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Frost  in  No.  2;  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Packard  in  No.  3 — if  Mr.  Packard,  who's  out  of 
town,  gets  back  in  time — Miss  Racie  and  Mr. 
Tom  in  No.  i  of  course — and,  I  say,  Jenks — [As 
JENKS  turns  away  with  cards.}  I  hope  you're 
well  stocked  with  ice  and  everything? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  13 

JENKS 

Yes,  sir,  I  am,  sir. 

INGRAHAM 

Because  I'll  have  no  running  ashore  after  we 
start.  I've  given  the  skipper  orders  not  to  put 
in  to  any  port  for  at  least  three  days. 

JENKS 

That's  just  what  they  done,  Miss  Racie  and 
Mr.  Tom,  sir — two  years  ago.  They  never 
wanted  to  go  ashore  neither!  They  give  orders, 
too,  not  to  put  into  any  port,  they  wuz  so  afraid 
of  gittin'  a  letter  or  a  telegram,  a-callin'  of  'em 
back!  That  wuz  a  sure  enough  honeymoon,  sir! 

INGRAHAM 

So'llthisbe! 

JENKS 

[Doubtfully,  looking  at  the  cards  he  holds.] 
It  might  be,  sir,  ef  we  wuz  all  young  married 
couples,  sir.  But  we  ain't.  Old  stagers  like  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Frost  and  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Packard — 
[Holds  up  two  of  the  cards.]  '11  want  to  go  ashore 
at  New  London  an'  Woods  Hole  an'  Marblehead, 
to  get  mail  an'  newspapers,  sir.  You'll  see,  sir ! 


14  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

[Noise  of  launch.}  The  launch!  here  comes 
some  of  the  party,  now,  sir.  [Goes  to  rail.} 
Mr.  UpdegrafT,  and — by  hisself,  sir. 

INGRAHAM 

S-sh!     Not  a  word  about  Miss  Racie — 
[Goes  to  rail  as  TOM  comes  up  gangway. 
As  he  steps  on  deck  JENKS  goes  down  into 
boat  and  returns  with  TOM'S  bag,  and  a 
telegram.} 

TOM 

Hello,  Inky!  [Shakes  hands.} 

INGRAHAM 

Hello,  Tom!  You're  a  nice  brother-in-law, 
you  are!  I've  had  the  devil  of  a  time  reaching 
you!  Don't  you  ever  go  home? 

TOM 

I  slept  at  the  Club,  and  your  note  followed  me 
there.  I  pitched  some  things  into  a  bag — and 
came  along!  Other  fellows  all  here? 

INGRAHAM 

Not  all,  not  yet.  You  didn't  go  home, 
then*? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  15 

TOM 

I  sent  Racie  a  wire  that  I'd  be  out  of  town. 
Corking  idea  of  yours,  old  man.  Hope  we're 
going  to  the  North  Pole! 

INGRAHAM 

[Disturbed.]     As  far  as  that? 

TOM 

Oh,  I'd  like  to  get  clean  off  for  awhile. 

INGRAHAM 

[Pause.]  I  don't  want  to  pry,  but  what's  up 
with  you  and  Racie,  Tom? 

TOM 

Oh  nothing — everything.  What's  the  use? 
When  things  get  all  snarled  up,  I  believe  in  clear- 
ing right  out — and  giving  them  a  chance  to 
unsnarl ! 

INGRAHAM 

Sometimes  that  only  snarls  'em  tighter.  Have 
you  had  a  straight  talk  with  Racie? 

TOM 

My  dear  fellow,  what  chance  have  I  had? 
When  I  got  back  from  that  little  trip  with  the 


i6  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

boys,  I  found  Racie  completely  upset.  Some 
kind  friend  had  been  filling  her  up  with  notions 
about  fishing  trips  and  she  wanted  me  to  promise 
I'd  never  go  on  another.  Of  course,  I  refused. 
Tears  and  accusations  that  I  didn't  love  her.  As 
luck  would  have  it  I'd  gone  off  and  forgotten  all 
about  our  second  anniversary.  Things  were  in 
such  a  muddle  that  I  moved  round  to  the  Club. 
Meanwhile,  a  bachelor  cruise  just  suits  my  book, 
old  man!  [Rises  and  sla'gs  INKY  on  shoulder.} 

INGRAHAM 

H'm,  yes — !  [Consults  watch.}  I  wish  I'd 
known  you  were  stopping  at  the  Club.  That 
duffer  Jenks  has  just  been  telling  me  he's  all  out 
of  Egyptian  Deities.  You  know  Jim  Packard 
doesn't  smoke  any  other  kind.  Would  you  mind 
just  hiking  up  to  the  Club  in  a  taxi  and  bringing 
back  a  few  dozen  boxes'?  I  haven't  got  a  man 
I  can  spare — Do  you  mind? 

TOM 

Not  a  bit!  [Going  to  gangway.}  I'd  be  de- 
lighted. 

INGRAHAM 

[Calling  off.}     Jenks. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  17 

JENKS 

[Reappears  R.]     Yes,  sir, 

INGRAHAM 

Mr.  UpdegrafPs  going  back  in  the  launch. 

JENKS 
Aye,  aye,  sir. 

INGRAHAM 

It's  awfully  good  of  you,  old  man.  I'd  go 
myself,  but — 

TOM 

Nonsense!  You've  got  to  be  here  when  the 
other  fellows  come.  [Goes  over  the  side.}  I'll 
be  back  in  twenty  minutes — Egyptian  Deities  and 
all!  [Noise  of  launch.} 

JENKS 

[Hands  telegram.}  Here's  a  telegram  came 
with  the  launch  for  you,  sir.  [INGRAHAM  takes 
and  opens  it.}  Begging  your  pardon,  sir,  but 
we've  a  thousand  Egyptian  Deities,  below. 

[Sounds  of  launch  departing.} 

INGRAHAM 

[Opening  telegram.}  I  know  it,  Jenks.  But 
I  don't  want  Mr.  Tom  here  when  Miss  Racie 


i8  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

comes.  By  George! — [Glances  at  telegram. .] 
If  that's  not  Jim  Packard  all  over!  [Reads] : 
"Just  back  from  fishing-trip.  Found  your  wire 
at  Club.  Sure  I'll  come.  Am  bringing  friend. 
Jim."  A  friend — but  we've  no  room!  [Leaps 
to  rail.]  Hi  there!  Tom! 

JENKS 

[Shouts.]     Launch,  ahoy! 

INGRAHAM 

No  good,  they  don't  hear  us.  [Goes  to  bench 
and  comes  back  with  megaphone.]  [Speaks 
through  it.]  Launch  ahoy!  Tom-m-m! 

JENKS 
They  hear,  sir. 

VOICE 
[From  off  faintly.]     Heigh! 

INGRAHAM 

[Thro'  megaphone.]  Hi!  Tom!  See  Jim 
Packard  at  the  Club !  Tell  him  not  to  bring  his 
friend.  We've  no  room.  Do  you  get  me — no 
room  for  friend! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  19 

VOICE 

[Off,  very  faint.]     All  right.     I  get  you. 

INGRAHAM 

[Same.]  On  your  way!  [Lowers  mega- 
phone.] [To  JENKS.]  Ten  to  one  he  won't 
find  him.  [Looks  at  telegram  again.]  A  friend, 
— an  odd  man,  whom  he'll  expect  to  share  his 
stateroom ! 

JENKS 

[Bewildered.]     But  Mrs.  Packard,  sir? 

INGRAHAM 

Precisely,  Jenks!  You  have  put  your  finger 
on  the  difficulty.  Mr.  Packard  evidently  thinks 
it's  a  man's  party  where  one  or  two  more  won't 
make  any  difference. 

JENKS 

Yes,  sir.  I  see,  sir.  How  about  a  hammock 
on  deck,  sir? 

INGRAHAM 

With  the  mosquitoes  what  they  are  now*? 

JENKS 

Right,  sir.  [Reflectively.]  There's  the  sofa 
in  your  stateroom,  that  could  be  made  into  a  bunk 
for  Mr.  Packard's  friend.  . 


20  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

[Feelingly.]  Me  take  him?  I'd  as  lief  have 
a  bear  as  a  man  sleep  in  my  room  with  me ! 

[Walks  about.] 

JENKS 

Shall  I  go  ashore  and  'phone  Mr.  Packard's 
house,  sir?  [Sound  of  launch  coming  back.] 

INGRAHAM 

Oh  no,  he  seldom  goes  there.  Make  up  the 
sofa  in  my  stateroom — in  case  Mr.  Tom  doesn't 
catch  him.  [Sounds  of  launch.] 

JENKS 

Aye,  aye,  sir.  [Going  towards  railing.]  Beg 
pardon,  sir,  here  come  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Frost. 

[Stands  at  salute  by  gang-way  and  afterwards 
takes  charge  of  luggage,  two  suit-cases, 
and  exits  Right.] 

INGRAHAM 

[  Walking  up  stage  as  the  head  of  MRS.  FROST, 
followed  by  FROST,  appears  above  the  gangway.] 
Well !  I'm  glad  there  are  some  punctual  people ! 
— Come  right  up!  How  are  you,  Frost? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  21 

[Hand   shake.     Then    to   MRS.    FROST.]     And 
Mrs.  Frost!     Glad  to  see  you  on  board. 

[MRS.  FROST  is  a  wiry,  uncompromising, 
Boston-bred  woman,  very  serious,  and 
with  an  insistent,  literal  manner  of  speak- 
ing,  entirely  without  humour.  FROST  is  a 
little  sandy-haired  man,  with  a  quiet  droll 
manner,  indolent  speech,  and  a  philosophic 
shrug  at  the  times  when  he  doesn't  get  a 
chance  to  speak. ,] 

MRS.  FROST 

[Advancing  upon  INGRAHAM.]  Now,  Mr. 
Ingraham,  tell  me  the  truth,  not  a  polite  fib — you 
had  a  Boston  grandmother!  Was  I  invited  or 
was  I  not1? 

FROST 

[Taking  INGRAHAM'S  cordially  outstretched 
hand.]  You  may  as  well  tell  her,  Inky. 

MRS.    FROST 

[To  him.]  Don't  interrupt,  Charles!  [To 
INGRAHAM.]  You  must  tell  me,  Mr.  Ingraham! 
[As  INGRAHAM  fries  to  speak.]  Look  me 
straight  in  the  eye — No,  Charlie  tells  his  worst 
ones  that  way.  .  .  . 


22  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

[Quickly.]  But  of  course  you  were  invited 
— didn't  you  get  my  telegram  last  night? 

MRS.  FROST 

We  did.  But  we  just  met  Tom  Updegraff  on 
the  dock  and  he  said  it  was  a  bachelor  cruise,  and 
Charlie  wanted  me  to  turn  right  round  and  go 
home.  And  of  course,  if,  for  any  reason,  you've 
changed  your  mind — 

FROST 
Don't  trifle  with  her  affections,  Inky,  tell  her! 

INGRAHAM 

I  never  change  my  mind,  and  the  trip  would 
have  been  a  failure  without  you. 

[FROST  collapses, ,] 

MRS.    FROST 

[Sinking  down  triumphantly  in  chair.} 
There!  Charles!  What  do  you  think  of  your- 
self now? 

FROST 

I  never  think  of  myself  at  all,  Emily.  I  think 
of  you.  It  was  the  thought  of  you,  alone,  in  a 
boat  full  of  bachelors.  .  .  . 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  23 

MRS.    FROST 

Bachelors?  [Snorts.']  How  came  you  to  be 
asked  if  it  was  a  bachelor-party? 

[INGRAHAM  goes  up  to  rail  and  looks  of.] 

FROST 

I'm  just  as  much  of  a  bachelor  as  Tom  Upde- 
graff,  if  you  come  to  that,  and  he  said  it  was  a 
"bachelor-cruise." 

[MRS.  FROST  looks  sharply  at  INGRAHAM.] 

INGRAHAM 

Tom  thinks  "a  cruise  on  The  Bachelor"  means 
a  bachelor-cruise,  I  suppose. 

[FROST    removes    hat,    and   sits    down    on 
bench.] 

MRS.    FROST 

[Abruptly.]  Charles,  you  ought  not  to  sit  in 
this  breeze!  Go  and  show  them  where  to  put 
the  luggage,  won't  you?  [To  INGRAHAM.]  He 
gets  over-heated  so  easily  when  he  has  a  cold ! 

FROST 

[Who  has  risen  obediently.]  But  I  haven't  a 
cold! 


24  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.    FROST 

[Placidly.]  And  he  takes  cold  so  easily  since 
he's  had  a  weak  chest. 

INGRAHAM 

[Surprised.]  I  didn't  know  he  had  a  weak 
chest ! 

FROST 

[Who  has  started  toward  the  companionway.] 
It's  a  week-end  chest — it  always  prevents  my  ac- 
cepting any  invitations  of  which  Emily  does  not 
approve.  Fishing-parties  are  death  to  it.  She 
detects  a  hollow  cough  as  soon  as  one  is  men- 
tioned. 

MRS.    FROST 

When  you're  done  talking  nonsense,  Charles, 
you  might  see  where  I  put  the  mustard. 

FROST 

[In  companionway  with  a  gesture  of  despair.] 
Emily — I  hoped  you  had  forgotten  the  mustard! 

MRS.  FROST 

I  never  forget  anything!  I  put  it  right  next 
to  the  hot-water  bottle.  If  there  were  no  women 
in  the  world,  what  would  become  of  you  men  ? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  25 

FROST 

We  should  be  scarce,  Emily,  but  we  might  be 
happier.  [Exits.} 

MRS.    FROST 

[As  he  exits  down  the  companion-way.] 
There,  Mr.  Ingraham,  I  could  see  you  didn't  want 
to  speak  out  before  Charlie,  but  you  can  tell  me. 
[Comes  closer  to  him.}  I  know  there's  something 
behind  all  this. 

INGRAHAM 

[Very   frankly.}     You're    right,    Mrs.    Frost, 
there  is !     I'll  confide  in  you — since  you've  found 
me   out!      [Smiles.}     You  know,   there's  some- 
thing about  you  that  compels  confidence.  .  .  .    ! 
[They  sit  on  skylight  seat.} 

MRS.    FROST 

[Flattered.}     So  Charlie  says. 

INGRAHAM 

This  isn't  a  bachelor-cruise — as  you  see.  It's  a 
conspiracy. 

MRS.    FROST 

[Jumps.}     A  what? 


26  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

A  little  brotherly  conspiracy  against  my  sister 
Racie,  and  Tom.  You  see  ...  they've  quar- 
relled. [Face  clouds.] 

MRS.    FROST 

I  thought  so!  Racie  told  me  that  Tom  had 
gone  away  on  a  fishing-trip  and  forgotten  all 
about  his  wedding  anniversary. 

INGRAHAM 

Yes,  that  was  careless  of  Tom,  but  not  crim- 
inal. Unfortunately  Racie  heard  some  stories 
about  this  trip  that  upset  her.  Yesterday  after- 
noon I  found  Racie  looking  up  the  divorce  laws  of 
the  State  of  New  York  and  crying  all  over  them, 
and,  as  far  as  I  can  judge,  Tom's  present  address 
seems  to  be  his  Club. 

MRS.  FROST 

Oh,  that's  dreadful!  When  a  man's  at  his 
club  you  never  know  where  he  is ! 

INGRAHAM 

So  I  planned  this  cruise  to  bring  'em  together, 
and  on  the  principle  of  not  letting  the  left  hand 
know  what  the  right  hand  doeth,  I  invited  Tom 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  27 

without  saying  anything  to  Racie,  and  Racie  with- 
out saying  anything  to  Tom.  Tom  got  the  idea 
that  this  is  going  to  be  a  bachelor  cruise,  and  Racie 
thinks  that  he  is  going  out  of  town  somewhere — 
[Suddenly,  noticing  her  face.]  But  you  don't 
like  my  little  conspiracy? 

MRS.    FROST 

[Bluntly.]  I  don't  like  deception,  even  about 
trifles,  Mr.  Ingraham. 

INGRAHAM 

[After  a  pause,  gently.]  My  sister's  happiness 
is  not  a  trifle,  Mrs.  Frost. 

MRS.    FROST 

No,  no !     But  even  if  they  do  come — 

INGRAHAM 

They're  not  at  the  point  of  quarrelling  before 
people.  They'll  accept  the  situation  for  a  few 
days  and  propinquity  will  do  the  rest. 

MRS.  FROST 
[Puzzled.  ]      "Propinquity"  *? 

INGRAHAM 

Propinquity.  The  oldest  and  simplest  remedy 
there  is.  I  cut  the  recipe  out  of  a  paper  the  other 


28  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

day.  [Takes  clipping  from  his  vest-pocket. ~\ 
But  you  are  an  authority  on  home-made  rem- 
edies—  [Hands  it  to  her.} 

MRS.  FROST 

[Fumbling  at  her  eye-glasses  on  their  hook.] 
I  can't  read  print  without  my  glasses — 

INGRAHAM 

[Taking  the  clipping  and  reading :\  "In  Zu- 
rich, in  the  olden  time,  when  a  quarrelsome  couple 
applied  for  a  divorce,  the  magistrate  never  listened 
to  them.  Before  deciding  upon  the  case  he 
locked  them  up  for  three  days  in  the  same  room. 
Their  food  was  passed  in  to  them  by  an  attendant 
who  neither  saw  nor  spoke  to  them.  When  they 
came  out,  at  the  end  of  three  days — neither  of 
them  wanted  to  be  divorced." 

[Folds  up  the  clipping  and  returns  it  to  "his 
pocket.] 

MRS.    FROST 

[Faintly.}  How — how  extraordinary!  But 
you  can't  lock  Tom  and  Racie  up — nor  pass  in 
their  food! 

INGRAHAM 

[Dryly.}  The  food  is  not  the  point.  A  yacht 
presents  less  scope  for  people's  avoiding  each  other 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  29 

than  a  modern  New  York  house,  with  a  Club  at- 
tachment. 


MRS.    FROST 

[Gloomily.]  I  hope  you'll  succeed!  Of 
course,  on  a  boat,  they  can't  get  away  from  each 
other.  Some  people  ought  to  live  on  boats! 
[Suddenly.]  And  Charlie  and  me*?  Have  you 
invited  us  because  you  thought — *? 

INGRAHAM 

[Appalled.}  Oh  dear  no!  I've  invited  you 
as  examples!  [Raises  cap.} 

MRS.    FROST 

Humph!     And  your  other  guests'? 

INGRAHAM 

Er — just  the  Packards. 

MRS.    FROST 

[Sitting  up.}  Carrie  and  Jim  Packard! 
Why,  they're  as  good  as  divorced  already.  She 
plays  bridge  and  he  runs  about  town,  and  they 
never  meet  except  by  accident!  You  haven't 
asked  them  as  examples,  I  hope*? 


30  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

[Discreetly.]  There  are  good  examples  and — 
the  other  kind — but  one  mustn't  speak  ill  of  one's 
guests — 

FROST 

[Popping  out  at  the  top  of  the  companionway 
with  a  mint- julep  in  his  hand.] — Or  the  dead — 
or  the  absent.  Were  you  and  Emily  speaking  ill 
of  me?  I  was  absent  and  a  guest,  and  I'm  nearly 
dead  of  this  heat!  [Sips  julep.]  Emily  won't 
let  me  take  my  flannels  off! 

MRS.  FROST 

Drink  that  very  slowly,  Charles,  or  it  will  cool 
you  off  too  suddenly.  Did  you  find  the  mustard? 

FROST 
Emily,  it  is  not  there. 

MRS.    FROST 

[Goes  to  companionway.]  Nonsense,  Charles, 
I  put  it  there  myself. 

FROST 

And  I  un-put  it.  [As  she  disappears.]  Will 
mustard  float? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  31 

INGRAHAM 

No,  you  idiot! 

MRS.    FROST 

[Reappearing.]  Put  on  your  overcoat, 
Charles,  till  I've  unpacked  your  sweater! 

FROST 

[Takes  up  his  coat  obediently,  throws  it  down 
the  minute  she  exits.}  Why  didn't  you  make 
this  a  bachelor-cruise?  What  have  I  ever  done 
to  you !  Think  of  three  whole  days  of  this? 

INGRAHAM 

Nonsense !  Emily's  devoted  to  you.  Suppose 
she  were  like  Carrie  Packard — 

FROST 

Carrie  lets  Jim  do  as  he  likes!  Don't  know 
where  he  is  half  the  time.  Think  of  being  mar- 
ried to  a  wife  like  that ! 

INGRAHAM 

You  mightn't  get  on  as  well  with  her  as  with 
Emily. 

FROST 

Every  man  can  get  on  with  the  woman  he 
hasn't  married. 


32  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

Well,  if  Emily  can't  get  on  with  you,  she's  hard 
to  satisfy. 

FROST 

Emily  don't  want  to  be  satisfied.  Women  are 
perfectly  miserable  when  they  haven't  got  some- 
thing to  worry  over,  and  Emily's  the  happiest 
woman  I  ever  saw  as  long  as  she  can  worry  over 
me! 

INGRAHAM 

But  how  about  you? 

FROST 

Oh,  I  stand  it  as  long  as  I  can,  and  when  the 
home-made  remedies  come  too  thick,  I  get  off  with 
the  boys  on  a  fishing  trip.  But  Emily  believes 
only  the  worst  of  fishing-trips. 

INGRAHAM 

What  does  Emily  know  about  fishing-trips'? 

FROST 

Nothing  whatever.  But  that  doesn't  matter. 
What  a  woman  doesn't  know,  she  suspects. 

INGRAHAM 

You're  a  philosopher,  Charlie! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  33 

FROST 

No,  I'm  not.  All  the  ancient  wheezes  and 
thoughts  on  married  life  are  started  by  old  bach- 
elors and  maiden  ladies.  I  haven't  any  theories 
about  married  life.  But  I  know  this !  If  you've 
got  a  wife  everybody  wants,  it's  hard  to  keep  her; 
if  you've  got  a  wife  nobody  wants  it's  hard  to 
lose  her.  [Suspiciously,  turning  to  INGRAHAM.] 
I  say,  Inky,  what  makes  you  so  interested  in  matri- 
mony? .You  aren't  going  to  be  married,  are  you? 

INGRAHAM 

Not  that  I  know  of.  [After  a  moment. ,] 
Frost,  what  per  cent,  of  married  people  quarrel? 

FROST 
What  per  cent.? — all  of  'em. 

INGRAHAM 

And  how  many  of  'em  make  up? 

FROST 

Oh,  nearly  all!  Lots  of  'em  quarrel  for  the 
fun  of  making  up. 

INGRAHAM 

Humph!  I'd  sooner  let  go  the  rudder  of  a 
boat  going  at  full  speed,  than  quarrel  with  my  hus- 


34  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

band,  if  I  were  a  married  woman.  How  does  she 
know  that  her  boat  won't  be  shipwrecked  or — 
taken  over  by  some  other  woman"? 

FROST 
Oh,  I  say,  Inky! 

INGRAHAM 

Yes,  some  lawless  little  privateer  who  cruises 
about  under  her  own  flag,  watching  her  chance  to 
slip  in — and  capture  drifting  boats — I  tell  you, 
Frost,  there's  always  a  woman  waiting  for  a  crit- 
ical moment  like  that.  Don't  the  married  women 
realize  this?  Don't  they  know  that  such  a 
menace  exists? 

FROST 

Lots  of  Jem  don't  know  it — the  young  ones 
don't  know  much  of  anything. 

INGRAHAM 

Can't  somebody  tell  'em?  I  never  could  see 
why  one  generation  didn't  pass  on  the  word  to 
the  next.  Why  can't  fathers  say  to  their  sons, 
for  instance :  "This  is  where  I  struck  a  snag," — 
or,  "Look  out  for  that  shoal." 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  35 

FROST 

[Hastily.}  But  that  would  be  devilish  em- 
barrassing, Inky;  imagine  the  son,  just  out  of  col- 
lege saying:  "Is  that  so,  Pa?  You  and  mother 
must  have  had  a  hell  of  a  time,  but  Angela  and  I 
are  different !"  It's  all  very  well  for  you  to  talk 
— you're  only  an  onlooker  at  the  marriage  game ! 

INGRAHAM 

Sometimes  the  onlookers  see  clearest.  I  never 
cared  to  take  a  hand,  because  I  never  found  a  part- 
ner to  play  it  as  it  should  be  played.  But — I've 
fallen  into  the  habit  of  watching  the  game  and 
taking  an  interest  in  the  players.  I  applaud  when 
they  win,  and  I  hate  to  see  them  lose,  for  the 
stakes  are  high,  and  sometimes  they  get  up  from 
the  table  ruined.  .  .  .  [Rises.] 

[Sounds  of  launch.] 

RACIE'S  VOICE 

[Off  Left.]  Why,  of  course  it's  safe,  Carrie. 
Go  on! 

FROST 

[As  INGRAHAM  stops  suddenly.]  Isn't  that 
your  sister? 


36  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

Yes,    that's   Racie!      [At  gangway.]     Hello, 

little  sister !     Here  you  are  at  last !     What's  the 

trouble?  [Moving  towards  gangway.} 

[MRS.  FROST  comes  up  from  companionway 

with  a  red  sweater  which  she  gives  FROST.] 

RACIE 

Hello,  Inky!  [She  kisses  him.]  Here  we 
are.  At  least  here  I  am,  and  Carrie  Packard's 
sitting  at  the  bottom  of  the  gangway  vowing  she 
can't  get  up. 

INGRAHAM 

What's  the  trouble,  Mrs.  Packard? 

RACIE 
How  do  you  do,  Mr.  Frost? 

[Shakes  hands  with  him  and  MRS.  FROST  as 
INGRAHAM  disappears  over  the  side  down 
the  gangway.] 

FROST 

[Very  cordially.]  Jolly  to  see  you,  Racie,  but 
where's  Tom? 

[MRS.  FROST  behind  RACIE  makes  a  warn- 
ing movement  towards  him.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  37 

INGRAHAM'S  VOICE 

How  are  you,  Mrs.  Packard,  what's  the 
trouble? 

RACIE 

[Expression  changes.]  Oh,  Tom  won't  be 
here — he — he — couldn't  manage  it.  [A  protest- 
ing cry  from  below, .]  Poor  Carrie  Packard! 
Ladders  make  her  so  dizzy. 

[She  turns  back  to  the  railing.] 

FROST 

Ouch !  Keep  off  my  feet,  Emily !  I  see  that 
I  have  made  a  break. 

[He  throws  the  sweater  overboard.] 
[MRS.  PACKARD,  assisted  by  INGRAHAM 
from  below  and  RACIE  from  above,  comes 
on  deck.  She  is  a  big,  handsome,  voluble 
creature,  smartly  turned  out,  but  mascu- 
line rather  than  dainty,  in  her  attire] 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Breathlessly]  Oh,  thank  you,  Mr.  In- 
graham.  I  know  I'm  a  goose,  but  it  gives  me 
vertigo  just  to  look  at  a  ladder.  .  .  .  [Seeing  the 
FROSTS,  comes  down]  How  do,  Emily.  How 
do,  Charlie.  [Shakes  hands  with  them.] 


38  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

There'll  be  one  table  for  auction  bridge  anyway, 
and  somebody  to  cut  in.  I  hope  your  boat  doesn't 
lean  too  much  for  card  tables.  What's  her 
name? 

INGRAHAM 

Her  name  is  The  Bachelor.  The  launch  is 
called  The  Chaperon. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

I  don't  know  a  thing  about  a  yacht,  so  I'll  look 
over  her  before  we  begin  to  play — [As  he  offers 
his  arm.]  No,  Charlie  can  take  me,  you  stay  here 
and  receive  your  other  guests — I'm  dying  to  know 
who  they  are — ? 

INGRAHAM 

Contrive  to  live  ten  minutes  longer  and  I 
promise  you  a  surprise. 

MRS.    FROST 

[To  MRS.  PACKARD.]  Carrie,  isn't  Mr.  Pack- 
ard coming,  too*? 

[INGRAHAM  starts  to  sj>eak  but  is  drowned 
by  MRS.  PACKARD.] 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Oh !  Packy's  not  back  from  his  last  fishing-trip 
— naturally!  Packy  is  always  just  starting  out 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  39 

on  one  fishing-trip,  or  not  yet  back  from  another. 
We  know  what  that  means,  don't  we,  Racie? 

RACIE 
[Hesitating,  face  clouds, .]     I'm  afraid  we  do! 

MRS.   FROST 

[Severely.]  These  fishing- trips  are  nothing 
but  an  excuse  for  smoking,  drinking  and  irregular 
hours.  [Glares  at  Frost.]  They  break  out  like 
epidemics  every  Spring. 

FROST 

[Mildly.}  The  fish  will  lay  eggs  in  the  Spring* 
Emily. 

INGRAHAM 

[Watching  RACIE'S  downcast  face.]  I  don't 
think  the  fish  laying  eggs  have  a  thing  to  do  with 
it.  When  warm  weather  comes  along  a  man  has 
just  got  to  get  out  and  go  on  some  kind  of  a  lark, 
just  as  a  woman's  got  to  go  and  spend  more  money 
than  she  ought  on  Easter  hats.  He  calls  it  a 
fishing-trip  and  she  calls  it  Spring  shopping,  but 
the  impulse  in  both  cases  is  the  same. 

RACIE 
[Brightening.]     Oh,  if  that's  all — 


40  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.  PACKARD 

[Laughing.]  Mr.  Ingraham,  you're  too  inno- 
cent to  live!  How  you  men  do  stand  by  each 
other!"  Luckily,  we  women  know  better  than  to 
believe  all  you  tell  us ! 

[Goes  off  R.  laughing -,  with  MR.  and  MRS. 
FROST.] 

JENKS 

[Enters.]  Beg  pardon,  sir,  but  the  skipper 
says —  [Sees  RACIE.]  How  do  you  do,  Miss 
Racie? 

RACIE 

How  do  you  do,  Jenks!  [Crosses  to  INGRA- 
HAM.] Inky,  I'm  going  down  to  see  if  you  have 
given  me  the  best  stateroom. 

INGRAHAM 

Number  One  as  usual,  Racie. 

RACIE 

All  right!  [Kisses  him  and  exits  down  the 
companionway.  ] 

JENKS 

The  skipper  says  your  orders  were  to  sail  at 
three-thirty,  sir*?  [The  launch  is  heard  off.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  41 

INGRAHAM 

Yes,  but  two  of  our  party  aren't  here  yet.  Tell 
the  skipper  the  moment  Mr.  Updegraff  and  Mr. 
Packard  come  aboard  he  may  get  under  way. 

JENKS 

Here  is  the  launch  back,  sir —  [Looks  over 
rail.]  and  it's  Mr.  Updegraff,  with  the  cigarettes, 
sir. 

RACIE 

[Enters  from  companion-way.]  Inky,  Inky, 
look  at  this!  [Holds  out  a  card.]  "Mr.  and 
Mrs.  Updegraff."  Is  Tom  on  this  party? 

INGRAHAM 

Suppose  he  is ! 

RACIE 

It's  a  trap,  Inky.  Tom  will  think  I've  planned 
it.  [ Tears  up  the  card  and  attempts  to  pass  him.} 
Tell  the  others  I've  got  a  dreadful  headache  and 
have  gone  home. 

INGRAHAM 

But  you  promised  to  chaperone  for  me — 


42  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

RACIE 

You've  got  plenty  of  chaperones  .  .  .  they're 
all  chaperones.  Let  me  go,  Inky  .  .  .  [Falls 
back  a  pace  as  TOM  comes  up  from  gangway.] 

TOM 
Racie! 

RACIE 

Tom! 

TOM 

[Pulling  INGRAHAM  down  R.]  Is  Racie  going 
on  this  cruise? 

INGRAHAM 

Surely  you  don't  object? 

TOM 

She's  the  one  who  will  object.  Did  you  see 
her  face?  Why,  she'll  think  I  have  planned 
this — 

INGRAHAM 

She  can't.  She  saw  your  face  too,  remem- 
ber. ...  I  say,  you  couldn't  give  an  imitation  of 
a  man  who's  pleased,  could  you? 

TOM 

There  is  a  little  mistake  here,  Inky — I  find  I 
can't  join  you  on  this  cruise  after  all. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  43 

RACIE 

Wait,  Tom — if  it  is  my  being  here  that  makes 
you  uncomfortable,  I  had  much  rather  go  myself. 
[Runs  to  gangway.} 

INGRAHAM 

No,  sir'ee !     [Runs  after  her.} 

TOM 

You  see  how  it  is,  I  don't  want  to  queer  the 
trip  or  spoil  Racie's  fun. 

RACIE 

"My  fun" ! 

TOM 

[Going  to  companionway.}  Fake  up  some  ex- 
planation to  the  others. 

INGRAHAM 

[Runs  after  him  and  holds  him.}  Stop,  Tom, 
I  can't  fake  up  any  explanation  of  this  that  would 
satisfy  a  two-years'  child. 

TOM 

That's  up  to  you,  you  got  me  into  this.  [Strug- 
gles to  break  away.} 


44  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

RACIE 

[Same  business.]  You  had  no  right  to  deceive 
me  as  you  did. 

INGRAHAM 

Good  Lord — you  are  the  worst  honeymoon  pair 
I  ever  tackled ! 

RACIE 
"Honeymoon" ! 

TOM 
What  nonsense ! 

RACIE 

Oh !     Let  me  go — 

TOM 
/'//  do  the  going,  you  stay  here. 

RACIE 
Stay  yourself! 

INGRAHAM 

[Forcing  them  down  stage.}  You  won't  either 
one  of  you  go.  If  you  leave  ten  minutes  after  ar- 
riving you'll  make  a  scandal  and  humiliate  me  on 
my  own  boat.  Here  you  are  and  here  you'll  stop 
and  have  a  honeymoon  whether  you  want  to  or 
not!  [Shakes  them.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  45 

MRS.    FROST 

[Entering  with  MR.  FROST  R.]  Why,  Tom 
Updegraff,  Racie  said  you  couldn't  come ! 

FROST 

At  the  last  and  final  moment — Good  lad! 
[Shakes  hands  with  TOM.] 

MRS.  PACKARD 

Good  for  you,  Tom — that  makes  us  six !  Why 
can't  we  begin  playing  now.  How  about  you, 
Racie? 

RACIE 

[Sits  L.]     Not  just  now,  Carrie! 

MRS.  PACKARD 

Well,  you  and  I,  Tom,  against  Charlie  and 
Emily.  [Crosses  to  companionway .]  I'm  so 
glad  you  and  Racie  don't  insist  on  being  partners. 
I  think  married  people  who  do  that  are  so  tire- 
some. [Goes  down,  followed  by  FROST  and 
TOM.] 

INGRAHAM 

[Business  with  RACIE  in  chair.}  How  did 
things  get  like  this,  Racie? 


46  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

RACIE 

I  know  you  think  I'm  a  silly  little  goose,  Inky, 
but  our  wedding  day  isn't  just  an  ordinary  date, 
it's — it's  a  symbol,  it  stands  for  the  biggest  thing 
that  will  ever  happen  to  us — even  the  baby  isn't 
as  big,  somehow — and  when  Tom  left  me  to  spend 
it  alone,  why  I  saw  everything  in  a  different  light. 

INGRAHAM 

H'm — life  is  full  of  lights — and  shades,  Racie. 
But  what  did  you  do  about  it*? 

RACIE 
I  didn't  do  anything — 

INGRAHAM 

Superhuman  good  sense  on  your  part. 

RACIE 
Tom  did.     He  moved  around  to  the  Club. 

INGRAHAM 

Perhaps  he  saw  things  in  a  different  light  too. 
Come  now,  little  sister,  was  it  worth  quarrelling 
about? 

RACIE 

I  didn't  quarrel — we  just — talked  it  over — 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  47 

INGRAHAM 

H'm — as  you  did  just  now?     [Crosses  and  sits 
by  her.}     How  is  the  boy? 

RACIE 

All  right  again — splendid ! 

INGRAHAM 

Those  lower  teeth  through? 

RACIE 

Quite.     He  never  cries  at  night  now. 

INGRAHAM 

Can  you  hear  him  upstairs  when  he  does  cry? 

RACIE 

No.     [Casually.]     But  I've  moved  him  and 
nurse  down  next  to  my  room. 

INGRAHAM 

[Same.]     Have  you?     And  what  becomes  of 
Tom? 

RACIE 

Well,  I've  fitted  up  the  rooms  on  the  next  floor 
for  Tom. 


48  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

[With  a  keen  glance. \  So  you've  put  Tom 
into  bachelor  quarters  on  the  top  floor?  When 
did  this  happen? 

RACIE 

I — I  changed  the  rooms  while  he  was  away  on 
that  fishing  trip.  [Rises  and  crosses  L.] 

INGRAHAM 

Do  you  call  that  doing  nothing?  I  withdraw 
what  I  said  just  now  about  superhuman  good 
sense. 

RACIE 

[Quickly. 1  Nonsense,  Inky!  It's  more  con- 
venient in  every  way.  Tom  has  his  own  bath- 
room there  and  isn't  disturbed  by  the  baby  .  .  . 

INGRAHAM 

"Who  never  cries  at  night  now." 

RACIE 

[Quickly.']  Tom  said  he  liked  the  new  ar- 
rangement— that  he  had  been  on  the  point  of  sug- 
gesting it. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  49 

INGRAHAM 

What  else  could  he  say  when  he  found  you  had 
done  it? 

RACIE 

[Very  sharp.]  Inky,  I  believe  you're  taking 
Tom's  part! 

INGRAHAM 

It's  not  a  question  of  parts.  You  and  Tom  are 
one,  though  you  seem  to  have  forgotten  it.  Mar- 
ried people  do,  I  find.  [  Walks  up^  and  down.} 

RACIE 

[Turns.}  Then  you  think  I've  made  a  mis- 
take? 

INGRAHAM 

A  big  one.  You've  taken  away  the  chance  of 
things  righting  themselves  naturally.  You've 
broken  Rule  I. 

RACIE 
What  are  you  talking  about? 

INGRAHAM 

The  Rules  of  the  Marriage  Game.  Rule  I: 
"Don't  raise  barriers."  There  are  barriers  enough 
already  to  prevent  any  two  human  beings  entirely 


50  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

understanding  each  other,  without  your  adding 
to  them,  in  your  case  and  Tom's,  by  the  biggest 
kind  of  a  barrier  of  your  own  raising. 

RACIE 

[Considering  the  toe  of  her  slipper. \  And 
Rule  II  ? 

INGRAHAM 

[Adopting  her  light,  impersonal  tone.]  Rule 
II?  "Don't  choose  an  all-absorbing  pastime. 
Your  husband  will  do  likewise,  and  he  will  never 
choose  the  same  one." 

RACIE 

[Muck  interested.'}  Like  Carrie  and  Jim 
Packard.  She  plays  auction  morning,  noon  and 
night  and  he  plays — 

INGRAHAM 

Hearts.  I  don't  altogether  approve  of  Packy 
— he's  running  with  a  rather  loose  set,  but  you 
can't  much  blame  him.  [Pause — steals  a  glance 
at  her.}  And  you  couldn't  blame  Tom,  after 
banishing  him  to  bachelor  quarters  on  the  top 
floor,  if  he  gets  up  a  consolation-cruise  of  his 
own. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  51 

RACIE 

[Unhappily.]     I  don't  know  what  you  mean. 

INGRAHAM 

[In  despair ;  tossing  his  cigarette  over  the  rail.} 
I  don't  suppose  you  do.  Talk  about  the  higher 
education  of  young  women — it's  not  half  high 
enough  yet.  You  go  to  college  and  are  taught 
all  about  the  binomial  theorem  and  how  to  solve 
quadratics  but  you're  not  taught  anything  about 
the  human  animal  or  how  to  solve  him. 

RACIE 

Lots  of  girls  take  domestic  science  and  learn  to 
keep  house. 

INGRAHAM 

Yes,  but  do  they  learn  to  keep  the  peace — tell 
me  that !  There's  domestic  art  as  well  as  domes- 
tic science  and  there  ought  to  be  a  chair  of  it  in 
every  woman's  college  and  no  one  should  marry 
without  a  diploma.  [Enter  JENKS,  Right.] 

JENKS 

Steam  is  up,  sir,  and  there  is  a  slight  fog  blow- 
ing up  out  there. 

[RACIE  takes  glasses  from  table  and  goes  to 
stern  of  boat.] 


52  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

[Looking  at  watch.]  Tell  the  skipper  he  can 
get  under  way. 

JENKS 
Aye,  aye,  sir!  [Exits  R.] 

INGRAHAM 

No  use  waiting  any  longer  for  Jim  Packard, 
I  guess.  [Goes  to  companionway.]  Tom! 
Sorry  to  interrupt  that  bridge,  but  we're  going  to 
start.  I  say,  Tom — [TOM  comes  up  first,  fol- 
lowed by  FROST.  Takes  TOM  and  FROST  across 
R.  TOM  looks  at  RACIE,  who  goes  below.} 
What  about  Packy — did  you  catch  him? 

TOM 

No — I  just  missed  him.  But  you  needn't 
count  on  his  coming  on  this  trip.  As  I  left  the 
University  Club,  I  saw  him  spinning  by  with  a 
mighty  attractive  motor-bonnet  and  veil  in  his 
car.  With  a  pretty  woman  at  his  elbow — and 
knowing  Packy  I'll  bet  she  was  pretty — he'll  for- 
get he  ever  heard  of  your  party. 

[He  is  interrupted  by  JIM  PACKARD,  a  big, 
handsome,  well-groomed  fellow  who  runs 
hastily  up  the  gangway  and,  seeing  INGRA- 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  53 

HAM,  plunges  straight  down  to  R.  C., 
where  INGRAHAM  and  TOM  are  standing. 
He  is  met  by  the  ASSISTANT  STEWARD, 
who  disappears  R.  carrying  two  suit-cases 
strapped  together.  PACKY  carries  a  rain- 
coat over  his  arm.] 

PACKY 

Hello,  Inky !  Hello,  Charlie  and  Tom !  This 
is  great ! 

INGRAHAM 

[Seizes    PACKY'S    hand    with    relief.]     Good 
old  Packy!     I  tried  to  head  you  off,  but  it's  all 
right  since  you  haven't  brought  your  friend. 
[ToM  strolls  over  R.  and  exits  with  FROST.] 

PACKY 

[Quickly.]  But  I  have.  [Starts  as  MRS. 
PACKARD  cries  in  the  cabin  "It's  a  grand  slam!"] 
My  God! 

INGRAHAM 

What  is  it,  man?     Do  you  see  a  ghost? 

PACKY 

[Clutching  his  arm.}  Th — th — that's  not  my 
wife? 


54  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

IN  GRAHAM 

Certainly,  it's  Carrie! 

PACKY 

Oh,  Great  Jumping  Jupiter !  You  don't  mean 
my  wife's  here? 

[He  reels  against  the  skylight  seat  and  shows 
signs  of  collapse.] 

INGRAHAM 

I  never  saw  such  people.  They  hate  the  sight 
of  each  other.  Damned  if  I  ever  plan  a  pleasant 
surprise  again! 

PACKY 

[Rising  and  going  to  him.]  This  is  an  awful 
mess.  You  said  it  was  to  be  a  bachelor  cruise. 
I  took  you  at  your  word  and  brought — a  friend. 

INGRAHAM 

All  right,  keep  your  hair  on !  We'll  tuck  your 
friend  in  somehow.  He  can  bunk  with  me. 

PACKY 
[Hisses  in  his  ear.}     It  isn't  a  he,  you  duffer! 

INGRAHAM 

[Yells.]  What?  You  don't  mean  it's  a 
woman? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  55 

PACKY 

You  said  it  was  a  bachelor-cruise.  .  .  . 

INGRAHAM 

Stop  saying  that,  can't  you?  Suppose  it  was — 
what  the  devil  made  you  think  I'd  stand  for  this 
sort  of  thing*?  The  fellows  you've  been  running 
with  may  do  it,  but  you  know  it  doesn't  go  on 
this  boat. 

PACKY 

[Stammering.}  I  didn't  stop  to  think,  I  was 
so  keen  on  getting  her  to  come.  She's  the  digni- 
fied, stand-off  kind — I  never  could  make  any  head- 
way with  her — 

INGRAHAM 

The  thing  is  to  head  her  off  now.  Where  is 
she? 

PACKY 

I  sent  the  launch  back  for  her.  I  told  her  the 
party  was  mine — I  had  to,  to  get  her  to  come. 
If  I'd  known  you  were  asking  ladies  I'd  have  cut 
my  hand  off — sooner  than — 

[The  launch  is  heard.} 

INGRAHAM 

We  must  head  her  off!  [They  start  forward 
toward  gangway.}  No,  not  there!  Your  wife 


56  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

will  hear  us.  Come  to  the  service  gangway.  I'll 
signal  them  to  bring  the  launch  there.  [As  IN- 
GRAHAM  and  PACKY  exit  R.  MRS.  OLIVER,  a 

beautiful^  high-bred  looking  woman,  appears  at 
the  head  of  the  gangway,  pauses  for  a  moment, 
then,  not  seeing  any  one,  comes  down  C.  In  a 
moment  RACIE  re-enters  Left  by  the  companion- 
way,  and  approaches  her.] 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[With  charming,  well-bred  hesitation  to  RA- 
CIE.] This  is  The  Bachelor,  isn't  it? 

RACIE 

[Advancing  with  quick  courtesy.]  Yes,  and  I 
can't  think  why  my  brother  isn't  here  to  welcome 
you.  Do  forgive  him.  I'm  his  sister — Mrs.  Up- 
degraff. 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Hesitatingly     taking     RACIE'S     outstretched 

hand.]     And  I  am  Mrs.   Oliver.     [!NGRAHAM 

and  PACKY  re-enter  behind  the  skylight,  which 

shelters  them  from  "view.]     It  must  seem  very 

odd,  my  arriving  all  alone  like  this,  but  Mr.  .  .  . 

[Hesitating  an  instant.     PACKY  drops  down 

and  hides  behind  skylight.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  57 

RACIE 

Mr.  Oliver  couldn't  come1? — I  see.  I'm  glad 
that  didn't  keep  you  away.  My  husband  didn't 
come  either — until  the  very  last  moment,  [As 
INGRAHAM  crosses  the  deck  to  them.]  Inky,  why 
weren't  you  here  to  introduce  Mrs.  Oliver  to  me? 
She  had  to  do  it  herself. 

[PACKY   makes  signals  to  INGRAHAM   and 
then  shelters  himself  behind  the  mast.] 

INGRAHAM 

[Looking  utterly  nonplussed  but  mechanically 
courteous, .]  I — I  beg  your  pardon — 

RACIE 

And  Mr.  Oliver  can't  come — isn't  it  a  pity? 

INGRAHAM 

"Mr.  Oliver"? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Quickly. 1  He  insisted  on  my  coming  with- 
out him — but  perhaps  I  shouldn't  have  done 
so? 

[Her  eye  wanders  about  in  search  of  escape, ,] 

RACIE 
[Gaily  forestalling  INGRAHAM,  who  is  about 


58  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

to  speak.}  Why  not?  All  of  us  came  without 
our  husbands,  at  least  I  did  and  Mrs.  Packard. 
[Takes  MRS.  OLIVER'S  arm  and  leads  her  to  MRS. 
PACKARD,  leaving  INGRAHAM  transfixed  in  stony 
despair.}  Mrs.  Packard — Mrs.  Oliver. 

[There  is  a  gasp  from  PACKARD  hiding  be- 
hind his  mackintosh.} 

MRS.   PACKARD 

\Eriskly.}     Delighted    to    meet    you.     You 
play  bridge? 

MRS.  OLIVER 
Auction — yes. 

MRS.   PACKARD 

Good!     That    makes    us    seven — two    tables 
with  dummy. 

[Turns  to  INGRAHAM  while  RACIE  takes 
MRS.  OLIVER  to  MRS.  FROST  and  pre- 
sents them  to  each  other.  They  stand 
talking  R.} 

INGRAHAM 

[To     MRS.     PACKARD.]     You     won't    need 
dummy!     Your  husband  is  on  board. 

[PACKY  tries  to  exit  by  gangway.} 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  59 

MRS.   PACKARD 

[Turns  quickly.}  Why,  Packy.  I  thought 
you  were  on  a  fishing-trip.  How  lucky  you 
should  turn  up.  That  makes  us  eight. 

PACKY 

I— I  don't  feel  a  bit  well,  dear.  I  think  I'll 
go  on  shore. 

[INGRAHAM  seizes  one  of  his  arms,  MRS. 
PACKARD  the  other.} 

INGRAHAM 

[Grimly.}     You  can't  desert  us  now. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Nonsense!  [Joyfully.}  Two  tables  com- 
plete. You  and  I,  Mr.  Ingraham,  Racie  and 
Charlie,  Emily  and  Tom,  Packy  can  have  this 
other  woman  for  a  partner.  Come  and  meet  her. 
[Drags  the  unwilling  PACKARD  across  to  MRS. 
OLIVER.]  Mrs.  Oliver — my  husband,  Mr.  Pack- 
ard. He  plays  a  good  hand  at  bridge,  you  shall 
have  him  for  a  partner ! 

[Tableau:  MRS.  OLIVER,  PACKARD  and 
MRS.  PACKARD  down  front.  RACIE  and 
MRS.  FROST  Leff,  TOM  and  FROST  enter 
on  Right  and  INGRAHAM  up  stage  to  right 


60  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

of  MRS.  OLIVER.  A  shrill  whistle  cuts  off 
MRS.  OLIVER'S  reply  and  announces  the 
departure  of  the  boat.} 


QUICK   CURTAIN 


END   OF   ACT   I 


ACT  II 

TIME:     Five  o'clock,  on  the  same  afternoon. 

SCENE:  The  saloon  of  the  yacht,  daintily  and 
charmingly  decorated,  with  glistening  white 
woodwork,  seats  upholstered  in  flowered  chintz, 
floor  covered  with  rugs.  The  three  doors  io 
the  three  guest  staterooms  are  in  a  row  across 
the  back  of  the  stage.  No.  i,  the  Updegrafs' 
stateroom  on  the  right;  No.  2,  the  Frosts' 
stateroom,  in  the  centre,  and  No.  j,  the  Pack- 
ards'  stateroom  on  the  left.  On  the  right  up 
stage,  is  the  door  to  the  Owner's  cabin,  now 
occupied  by  Mrs.  Oliver.  Just  below  it  is  a 
narrow  door  into  a  passageway  leading  forward 
to  the  galley  and  below  that  is  a  sideboard, 
built  into  the  wall,  and  with  a  tray  of  glasses 
on  it,  decanters,  siphons  and  apparatus  for  r$re- 
<paring  cocktails,  etc.  This  sideboard  is  set  in 
a  recess  in  the  wall,  so  that  it  projects  but  very 
slightly.  In  the  space  between  the  door  of  the 

Frosts'  cabin  and  the  door  of  the  Packard*' 
61 


62  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

cabin  are  some  book  shelves,  and  between  the 
next  doors  a  china-cupboard.  On  the  left  side, 
down  in  front,  is  a  long  cushioned  seat,  facing 
the  audience,  above  it  the  last  three  or  four 
steps  of  the  companionway  by  which  one  de- 
scends into  the  saloon,  with  a  brass  hand  rail 
visible;  against  the  wall  of  the  companionway 
is  hanging  a  box  of  code  signals.  At  R.  C. 
is  a  cushioned  circular  seat,  surrounding  the 
mast  which  runs  down  through  the  cabin. 
Just  below  this  is  a  bridge  table,  at  which  MRS. 
PACKARD  sits  facing  the  audience,  TOM  directly 
opposite  her,  PACKARD  on  her  right,  and  MRS. 
OLIVER  on  her  left.  Across  from  them  down 
left  is  another  bridge  table,  at  which  sits  RACIE 
facing  the  audience,  MR.  FROST  opposite  her, 
MRS.  FROST  on  her  left,  and  INGRAHAM  on  her 
right.  All  are  absorbed  in  their  play  as  the 
curtain  rises,  and  no  one  speaks  for  a  moment, 
then  the  fog  horn  blows  long  and  wailingly. 

PACKY 

There  she  goes  again !     Cheerful ! — to  be  stuck 
in  a  fog  all  afternoon. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Without  lifting  her  eyes  from   the  cards.} 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  63 

You  couldn't  have  a  better  afternoon — ss — ssh! 

[Fog  horn  again.] 

TOM 

[When  it  stops.}  What's  the  use  of  saying 
"ss-ssh-ssh"  to  that? 

INGRAHAM 

[Rising  and  crossing  to  them>  and  glancing 
from  the  score  to  MRS.  OLIVER  who  adds  this  last 
trick  to  the  pile  in  front  of  her.]  Magnificent! 
That  gives  you  and  Mrs.  Oliver  two  odd,  game 
and  rubber!  Mrs.  Packard  and  Tom  are  no- 
where. 

[MRS.  OLIVER  opens  her  lifts  to  speak  but 
fog  horn  drowns  her  voice.] 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Turning  cordially  to  MRS.  OLIVER.]  Good 
bridge!  I  do  respect  anybody  who  can  beat  me 
at  my  own  game,  and  I  never  found  a  woman  who 
was  my  match  at  auction  before!  [Shaking 
hands  with  her]  We  must  see  a  lot  of  you  in 
town !  Packy,  make  a  note  of  Mrs.  Oliver's  ad- 
dress. 

[PACKARD,    flashing   a   frightened   look  at 
MRS.    OLIVER    and    then    at    his    wife. 


64  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

fumbles  in  his  vest  pocket.  INGRAHAM 
hands  him  a  score  pencil  and  mutely 
warns  him.} 

MRS.    OLIVER 

I — er — we  are  in  an  apartment  hotel  at  62  East 
7 1st  Street. 

[PACKARD  writes  this  in  his  address  book.} 

MRS.  FROST 

[From  the  other  table  where  they  have  finished 
playing.]  You  put  it  down  too,  Charles!  Mrs. 
Oliver  has  promised  to  send  me  a  cook. 

FROST 

[Scribbling    the   address    on    his   shirt   cuff.] 
"Sixty-two   East   yist   Street."     Thafs   very 
near  us. 

MRS.  OLIVER 
Is  it? 

FROST 

And  nearer  still  to  you,  Tom. 

TOM 

[As  the  fog  horn  gives  a  sharp  final  toot.] 
Yes,  we  are  in  6pth  Street — neighbors! —  May 
we  call? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  65 

[INGRAHAM  and  PACKY  exchange  horrified 
glances.} 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Rising.]     Thank   you!     You're    very   kind. 

[Is  about  to  turn  away  but  RACIE  draws  her 

down  to  the  circular  seat,  still  talking.] 

RACIE 

My  day  at  home  is  Thursday — 

[INGRAHAM  and  PACKY  rise  simultaneously, 
PACKY  upsetting  his  chair.] 

INGRAHAM 

Mix   yourself   a   cocktail,    Packy!     [To    the 
others.]     I  think  the  fog  must  be  lifting. 

[Exits  up  companionway.} 
[PACKARD  goes  to  sideboard  and  begins  to 
mix  cocktails.] 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Rising  and  approaching  MRS.   OLIVER  with 
extended  cigarette-case.]     Have  a  cigarette? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Apologetically.]     No,  thanks,  I  don't  smoke. 
I'm  horribly  old-fashioned. 

[PACKY  shakes  the  cocktail-mixer  violently.] 


66  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.    FROST 

[Rising  and  joining  Mrs.  Oliver  approvingly.  ] 
I'm  old-fashioned,  too.  I  never  can  get  used  to 
seeing  my  friends  smoke. 

[Sits  left  of  her  on  circular  seat.     RACIE  is 
on  her  right.] 

MRS.    PACKARD 

You'll  have  one,  won't  you,  Racie? 

[Passes  the  case  to  her,  and  after  RACIE  has 

taken  one,  takes  one  herself,  and  stands 

leaning  over  MRS.  OLIVER.] 
[INGRAHAM     re-enters     down     companion- 

way.] 

INGRAHAM 

[Briskly.}  On  deck,  all  of  you!  [Nobody 
stirs.]  This  breeze  is  blowing  the  fog  away. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Reluctantly  glancing  at  the  card  table.]  It 
would  be  too  windy  for  the  cards  on  deck,  I  sup- 
pose. 

INGRAHAM 

Blow  them  to  Jericho !  [Crossing  to  sideboard 
where  he  helps  PACKY.]  We'll  have  another 
rubber  to-night  after  dinner  if  you  like. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  67 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Resignedly.]  Oh,  very  well.  It  seems 
wicked  to  waste  time  with  such  a  player  as  Mrs. 
Oliver  aboard. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Thank  you,  Mrs.  Packard.  [With  great 
charm.']  It's  sheer  cowardice  in  me  to  stop  now 
without  giving  you  your  revenge.  I'm  only  put- 
ting off  the  day  of  reckoning  as  long  as  I  can. 
No,  thank  you!  No,  really!  [To  PACKY,  who 
approaches  her  with  a  glass  in  each  hand,  and 
nervously  offers  her  a  cocktail.  He  does  the 
same  to  MRS.  FROST  and  RACIE,  who  shake 
their  heads, .]  My  playing  was  all  luck — I 
happened  to  hold  the  cards  and  have  a  good  part- 
ner. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Positively.]  That's  just  what  you  didn't 
have!  Packy  played  vilely!  How  could  you, 
Packy"?  [Accepts  a  cocktail  from  the  wretched 
PACKY  and  says  to  him  reproachfully, .]  After 
I'd  recommended  you  to  Mrs.  Oliver  too,  and 
fairly  saddled  you  on  her  as  a  partner. 

[PACKY,  not  knowing  which  way  to  look, 
gulps  the  remaining  cocktail  and  chokes. \ 


68  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

TOM 

I'll  do  better  by  you  than  Mr.  Packard  has  if 
you'll  give  me  a  chance  after  dinner?  'Tisn't 
fair  that  he  should  monopolize  you.  Going  on 
deck? 

[As  MRS.  OLIVER  rises,  he  offers  her  his  arm, 
and  they  exeunt  up  the  companionway, 
talking.] 

MRS.  OLIVER 

Oh,  I  should  like  to,  if  the  breeze  is  coming  up 
— it's  the  very  time  to  go  up. 

FROST 

I  call  that  cool,  calmly  annexing  the  best  player 
in  the  bunch. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Tom  seems  to  have  cheered  up!  He  looked 
glum  enough  early  this  afternoon,  when  we  came 
on  board. 

RACIE 

[Aside  to  INGRAHAM;  buttonholing  him,  and 
getting  him  down  Left.]  Inky,  I  have  a  plan. 
Mrs.  Oliver  feels  so  badly  about  having  turned 
you  out  of  your  stateroom — 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  69 

INGRAHAM 

She  needn't.  I  shall  be  all  right  with  the 
skipper. 

RACIE 

Of  course;  if  Mr.  Oliver  had  come,  it  couldn't 
have  been  helped ;  tho'  I  never  knew  you  to  invite 
more  people  than  you  had  space  for,  before — but 
as  he  didn't  come,  let  me  take  Mrs.  Oliver  in  with 
me,  and  you  and  Tom  share  your  stateroom. 
There's  an  idea ! 

INGRAHAM 

[Appalled.]     Not  for  worlds! 

RACIE 

But  why  not*?  [Easily.]  Tom  won't  mind 
— ask  him ! 

INGRAHAM 

What  you  propose  is  impossible — 

RACIE 

[Pouts.]  I  don't  see  why  it  is  impossible! 
I  think  Mrs.  Oliver's  charming.  [Kneels  on 
centre  seat  plumping  up  the  cushions.]  Why 
haven't  any  of  us  met  her  before? 


70  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

FROST 

[Strolling   across,    hands   in   pockets. ,]     Yes. 
Who  is  she,  Inky? 

INGRAHAM 

Mrs.  Oliver  is  the  wife  of — 

[Hesitates  an  instant.] 

RACIE 

[Pertly.]     Of  Mr.   Oliver!     Yes,   we  know 
that!  [PACKARD  sits  down  heavily.] 

INGRAHAM 

An — an  old  acquaintance  of  mine.     Haven't 
seen  him  for  years. 

[STEWARD    enters    and    clears    the    tables 
away.] 

MRS.    FROST 

Then  how  came  you  to  invite  them  on  this  trip? 
You  told  me  just  intimate  friends. 

INGRAHAM 

[Flashing  a  look  at  PACKY.]     An  intimate 
friend  asked  me  to  be  nice  to  them. 

FROST 

Well,  I  should  think  it  would  be  easy  to  be 
nice  to  her — what's  the  husband  like 9 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  71 

INGRAHAM 

[Crosses  to  R.]  Bill  Oliver  is  a — a  stock- 
broker. 

RACIE 

[Interrupting.}  Why,  she  said  his  name  was 
Jim! 

INGRAHAM 

Yes,  yes,  "Jim,"  of  course.  He's — just  a  stock- 
broker. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

That's  odd.  She  told  me  he  was  interested  in 
horses.  Said  he  breeds  race  horses  and  sells  'em 
abroad. 

INGRAHAM 

[PACKY  kicks  INGRAHAM.]  That's  it.  A 
stock-raiser,  not  a  stockbroker.  Knew  it  was 
something  about  "stock"!  Nice  fellow,  Oliver. 
Racie,  don't  you  want  something  over  your 
shoulders? 

RACIE 

No,  I'm  not  cold. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Well,  I  am,  I  must  get  a  sweater.     Excuse  me ! 
[Exits  to  stateroom.} 


72  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

FROST 

Stockbroker,  eh  ?     Well,  he's  got  a  mighty  nice 

wife.     I  don't  know  when  I've  been  so  drawn 

to  anybody!  [Exits  up  steps. ,] 

[INGRAHAM       and      PACKARD      exchange 

haunted  glances.} 

MRS.    FROST 

I  think  she  must  come  from  Boston.     She  has 
such  a  refined  face!  [Exits  into  stateroom.} 

RACIE 
Inky,  where  did  you  meet  her? 

INGRAHAM 

[Desperately.}     I  met  her  on  a  boat. 

RACIE 

Mr.  Oliver  has  a  yacht  too,  I  suppose. 

INGRAHAM 

Ye — yes,  he  has. 

RACIE 

[Going  to  steps.}     Hope  she'll  ask  us  on  it 
sometime.  [PACKY  rises  suddenly.} 

INGRAHAM 

[Hisses  in  his  ear.}     Stay  here ! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  73 

RACIE 

Do  you  know,  I  feel  as  if  I'd  known  her  for 
ages!  [RACIE  goes  up.] 

INGRAHAM 

[Savagely  to  PACKY.]     This  is  a  nice  mess! 

PACKY 

[Same.]  You  bet  it  is.  What  possessed  you 
to  spin  all  those  yarns  about  Mr.  Oliver"? 

INGRAHAM 

[Whirling  round.}  And  you  sit  there  and 
criticise  me,  while  I'm  dancing  on  a  giddy  tight- 
rope of  lies  to  save  your  neck.  Your  ingratitude 
is  sickening,  Packy.  [Walks  away.] 

PACKY 

I'm  too  scared  to  be  grateful.  Get  me  out  of 
this  hole,  and  I'll  black  your  boots  for  the  rest 
of  my  life. 

INGRAHAM 

[Coming  back.]  Get  yourself  out.  Go  to 
Mrs.  Oliver  like  a  man  and  ask  her  to  invent  some 
excuse  for  leaving  the  boat. 

PACKY 

[Imploringly.]  No,  no,  Inky,  you  speak  to 
her.  You're  the  captain;  order  her  to  leave! 


74  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

Don't  be  an  ass !  I  can't  be  rude  to  a  woman, 
I  don't  care  who  she  is,  on  my  own  quarter  deck. 
Besides,  I  don't  know  her. 

PACKY 

And  I  barely  know  her!  That's  the  truth! 
[As  INGRAHAM  looks  skeptical.]  She's  kept  me 
at  arm's  length  ever  since  I  met  her,  and  hang  it 
all,  I  had  to  do  something,  so  I  framed  up  this 
yacht  story;  she'd  no  idea  there'd  be  any  one  but 
just  us  two,  I  swear  to  you. 

INGRAHAM 

[Thoughtfully.]  Humph!  She  doesn't  seem 
exactly  your  kind,  Packy.  She's  miles  too  good 
for  this  sort  of  thing. 

PACKY 

I  can't  imagine  how  she  got  into  it.  She  is  too 
good  for  it!  Lord!  What  a  wife  she'd  have 
made! 

INGRAHAM 

What  makes  you  think  that? 

PACKY 

[Simply.]  Any  woman  who'd  put  in  all  her 
time  making  life  attractive  to  me,  looks  awfully 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  75 

good  to  me!  Carrie  thinks  of  nothing  but  auc- 
tion— but  this  woman  can  play  a  stunning  game 
of  bridge  and  do  all  the  other  things  too. 

INGRAHAM 

She's  a  clever  creature !  Has  captivated  every- 
body! Frost  is  thawing  in  rivers! 

PACKARD 

I  never  saw  old  Charlie  act  that  way  before. 
He's  as  happy  as  a  cat  with  butter,  and  he  has 
no  idea  why! 

INGRAHAM 

[Crossing  to  Left.}  It's  Tom  I'm  worrying 
about. 

PACKARD 

[Sharply.]  Tom!  The  woman's  not  a 
cradle-snatcher ! 

INGRAHAM 

[Slowly.]  Tom's  in  an  inflammable  state  just 
now,  and  I  can't  have  this  little  privateer  slipping 
in  alongside. 

PACKARD 

Odd,  devilish  odd,  how  she  makes  you  feel 
you'd  rather  tie  up  to  her  than  any  craft  afloat. 


76  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

Rather  hard  on  Carrie! 

PACKARD 

No,  really !  I  feel  very  kindly  towards  Carrie. 
[Speaks  low  in  INGRAHAM'S  ear.]  You  know 
those  pearls  she's  wearing"?  That's  a  joke  on  her 
— they're  genuine! 

INGRAHAM 

[Sitting  C.]  "Genuine"!  Naturally.  Why 
should  your  wife  wear  imitation*? 

PACKARD 
That's  the  joke — she  thinks  they're  imitation! 

INGRAHAM 

I'm  hanged  if  I  follow  you! 

PACKY 

You  see,  Carrie's  been  awfully  unlucky  at 
bridge  lately — lost  several  thousand — -came  to  me 
about  a  month  ago  and  said  she  was  going  to  sell 
her  pearls.  I  said:  "  Oh,  shucks,  don't  do  that," 
and  offered  to  put  up  a  bond  or  two.  But  no, 
she's  awfully  straight  from  the  shoulder,  Carrie  is. 
Said  they  were  her  debts,  and  she'd  pay  'em — sell 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  77 

the  pearls  and  get  a  good  imitation  string — who'd 
know  the  difference*?  Hoped  I  wouldn't 
mind.  .  .  . 

INGRAHAM 

You'd  given  'em  to  her? 

[During    the    next    speech    MRS.    OLIVER 
comes  down  stairs  unnoticed.] 

PACKY 

Wedding  present!  Neither  of  us  is  much  on 
sentiment — but  I  couldn't  stand  that.  So  I  said 
I'd  drive  a  better  bargain  than  she  would;  she 
handed  'em  over,  and  a  week  later  I  brought  her 
three  thousand  and  a  string  of  "fake"  pearls — 
same  old  necklace  of  course!  She  admired  the 
imitation — said  you  couldn't  tell  'em  from  the 
real! 

[Laughs.] 

INGRAHAM 

But  aren't  you  going  to  tell  her? 

PACKY 

Oh,  sometime !     'Twon't  do  her  any  harm,  for 
a  while,  to  think  she's  wearin'  "fake"  pearls — 
[INGRAHAM,  who  has  caught  sight  of  MRS. 
OLIVER,  beats  a  hasty  retreat  door  JR.] 


78  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

PACKY 

Oh,  I  say,  Inky?     Where  are  you  going? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Coming  down.]     Oh,  Mr.  Packard!     I'm  in 
such  difficulty! 

PACKY 

[Contritely.']     I  know,  it's  a  beastly  shame, 
and  it's  all  my  fault,  every  bit  of  it. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Interrupting  him  in  a  low  voice.]     It's  my 
suit-case — it  was  with  your  bags  in  the  motor — 

PACKY 
By  Jove!     I  never  once  thought — 

MRS.    OLIVER 

And  I'm  afraid  it's  with  your  bags  now,  in  your 
stateroom. 

PACKY 

Good  Lord! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

If  you  wouldn't  mind  looking — 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  79 

PACKY 

[Quickly.]     Why      no!     Of      course      not! 

[Starts  towards  his  stateroom^  comes  back  and 
whispers.]     Was  your  name  on  it? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Same.]     No,  just  XXX. 

PACKY 

I'll  get  it.  [Goes  to  his  stateroom  door,  tries 
to  enter i  jumps  back  and  says  in  hoarse  whisper.] 
I  forgot  my  wife  was  there!  [In  a  high  piping 
voice.]  Nobody!  Nothing  at  all! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Coming  out.]  Oh,  it's  you,  Packy.  What 
did  you  want"? 

PACKY 

A  handkerchief.  [Aside  to  MRS.  OLIVER.] 
I'll  get  the  bag  when  she  goes  on  deck. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Turns  back  and  hands  him  one  from  inside 
the  stateroom.]  There  you  are!  Jenks  un- 
packed your  luggage.  He  knew  perfectly  well 
well  you'd  never  do  it  yourself.  [At  steps.] 
Coming  on  deck? 


8o  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

PACKY 

Not  now.     Got  a  headache. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Laughs.]  Too  much  fishing-trip?  Well,  if 
you've  got  a  headache,  the  deck's  the  place  for 
you.  Won't  you  come,  Mrs.  Oliver1?  [Takes 
him  by  arm,  he  resists.]  You  want  fresh  air! 

[She  drags  him  up.] 

PACKY 
I'd  much  prefer  staying  here — 

[Motions  to  MRS.  OLIVER  to  get  the  bag 

herself,  when  they  are  gone.] 
[As  MRS.  OLIVER  goes  quickly  to  the  PACK- 
ARDS'  stateroom,  FROST  enters  R.] 

FROST 

Oh!  There  you  are!  [MRS.  OLIVER  turns  to 
bookcase,  taking  down  a  book  at  random  from  the 
shelf — coming  down,  book  in  hand.]  Every- 
body's asking  for  you. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[On  steps.]     Oh!     Are  they? 

FROST 

Let  'em  ask.  [As  she  starts  up  steps.]  Stay 
here  and  talk  to  me!  [Taking  her  book  as  they 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  81 

sit  C.]  Don't  read !  I've  had  my  nose  in  a  book 
most  of  my  life,  and  I've  just  begun  to  realize 
that  the  proper  study  of  mankind  is — woman! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Smiling.}  I  should  think  your  education 
had  been  a  liberal  one? 

FROST 

[Much  flattered.}  I've  had  a  good  solid  foun- 
dation, but  do  you  know  I  often  wish  now  I'd 
taken  more  extras. 

MRS.  OLIVER 

The  more  frivolous  branches'?  It's  never  too 
late  to  mend. 

FROST 
You  think  I'm  not  too  old  to  learn? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

I  shouldn't  call  thirty-nine  old. 

FROST 

[Pleased.}  Should  you  really  take  me  for 
thirty-nine? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

There  or  thereabouts.  You're  younger  than 
your  wife,  aren't  you? 


82  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

FROST 

[Nervously,  glancing  over  shoulder.]  As  a 
matter  of  fact,  I  am,  but  she  doesn't  like  it  men- 
tioned. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

And  you've  a  much  younger  temperament. 
You  have  a  sense  of  humor;  she  has  a  sense  of 
duty. 

FROST 

[Sighs.]  Emily  is  most  conscientious.  She 
takes  such  care  of  my  health — 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Your  health*?     Why,  you  look  so  strong. 

FROST 

[Artlessly.]  As  a  matter  of  fact,  I'm  as  hard 
as  nails,  but  she  thinks  I  have  a  weak  chest. 

[During  this  conversation,  FROST  has  drawn 
himself  up  from  his  usual  lounging  atti- 
tude, till  he  looks  twice  the  man  he  did] 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Surveying  him.]  A  weak  chest — what!  with 
those  shoulders! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  83 

FROST 

[Simply.]     I  made  the  crew  at  Harvard. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

At  Harvard? 

FROST 

[Eagerly.]  Yes,  those  were  days!  Ever 
happen  to  see  any  of  the  Cambridge  boat-races'? 

MRS.  OLIVER 

Indeed  I  did — [Catches  herself.]  A  long  time 
ago.  Are  you  still  fond  of  rowing? 

FROST 

Yes,  but  Emily  thinks  the  strain  is  bad  for  the 
heart ! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Don't  tell  me  you  have  a  weak  heart! 

FROST 

[Looks  at  her.]  It's  under  a  considerable 
strain  right  now!  [MRS.  OLIVER  laughs  and 
rises.  He  follows  her,  doesn't  see  MRS.  FROST 
open  her  stateroom  door,  and  then  draw  back, 
and  listen.}  Oh,  don't  go!  I  never  met  a 
woman  like  you  before — you  know,  you're  dif- 


84  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

ferent^  somehow.     [At  steps.]     Yes!     Let's  find 
a  quiet  place  on  deck — 

TOM    AND    PACKY 

[Running  down.]  I  say,  Frost,  this  is 
monopoly!  Mrs.  Oliver  might  like  a  little 
air! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Quickly.]  Mr.  Frost  was  just  asking  me  to 
come  on  deck.  Weren't  you,  Mr.  Frost? 

[She  runs  up  the  steps  with  FROST,  sur- 
rounded and  followed  by  the  two  men  a 
moment  later.] 

MRS.    FROST 

[  Who  has  come  out  of  her  stateroom — repeats, 
staring  after  them.] — "Never  met  a  woman  like 
you  before — find  a  quiet  place  on  deck" — 

[About  to  follow  them.] 

MRS.    PACKARD    AND    RACIE 

[Entering  from  R.]  Where's  Mrs.  Oliver? 
Where  are  the  men? 

MRS.    FROST 

Find  Mrs.  Oliver,  and  you'll  find  the  men ! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  85 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Yes,  I'm  beginning  to  think  it's  that  way  my- 
self. 

RACIE 

[Warmly.]  Well,  you  can't  blame  them  for 
it.  She  is  perfectly  charming. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Sits  centre,  MRS.  FROST  on  bench  L.]  Queer! 
I  never  knew  Packy  to  be  attracted  by  a  woman 
of  that  type  before ! 

MRS.    FROST    AND    RACIE 

[Together.}     What  type? 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Oh — just  a  nice  woman,  a  married  woman — 
like  us! 

MRS.    FROST 

[Who  is  thinking  hard.}  That's  it — she's  like 
us — only  different!  Do  you  know,  I  don't  feel 
so  sure  she's  from  Boston ! 

RACIE 

[Honestly.']  She's  nicer  than  we  are!  I  do 
like  her!  And  I  wonder  how  she  does  it? 


86  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.    FROST    AND    MRS.    PACKARD 

Does  what? 

RACIE 

Oh — you  know!  Makes  you  want  to  fall  at 
her  feet — without  lifting  a  finger!  I  never  met 
a  woman  with  so  much  charm! 

MRS.  FROST 

[Snorts.]  Charm!  Unless  a  woman  wants 
something  she  has  no  business  to  get,  she  has  no 
need  of  charm! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[ Has  obviously  come  back  for  suit-case.  Look- 
ing at  them  from  steps. \  Oh,  here  you  are!  I 
thought  I'd  find  you  on  deck.  Aren't  you  com- 
ing up"? 

RACIE 

As  soon  as  we  ve  finished  talking  about  you. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[As  MRS.  OLIVER  draws  back.]  Oh,  don't  be 
frightened!  We  were  saying  the  most  compli- 
mentary things!  Excepting  Emily  here,  who 
swears  you  come  from  Boston. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  87 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Coming  down  and  sitting  by  MRS.  PACKARD.] 
Mrs.  Frost  couldn't  pay  me  a  higher  compliment 
— I  wish  I  deserved  it. 

MRS.  FROST 
Where  do  you — er — 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Paris  is  where  I've  lived  most. 

MRS.  PACKARD 

Ah? 

MRS.  FROST 

Oh-h-h! 

RACIE 

Cheer  up,  Emily!  Quite  nice  people  do  come 
from  Paris!  [To  MRS.  OLIVER.]  Think  of 
living  among  those  heavenly  shops ! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

It  isn't  the  shops  I  love,  tho'  they  are  fascinat- 
ing. It's  Paris  itself.  Paris  in  April,  when  the 
chestnuts  are  in  bloom,  and  the  lilacs  are  out  in 
the  Bois!  I  can  shut  my  eyes  and  smell  them 
now,  and  see  the  golden  dust  above  the  Arc  de 
Triomphe  as  one  drives  toward  it  at  sunset.  And 


88  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

the  bridges  at  night  with  their  long  lines  of  lights, 
and  their  velvety  black  shadows,  with  a  big  yel- 
low moon  coming  up  behind  the  Beaux-Arts. 
Oh,  Paris —  [Checks  herself.] 

MRS.    FROST 

New  York  must  seem  quite  dull  in  comparison ! 
I  wonder  you  could  bear  to  change? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

On  the  contrary,  I  greatly  prefer  American  life. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

What  strikes  you  as  the  chief  difference  be- 
tween the  two? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

On  the  Continent,  it's  the  man  for  whose  bene- 
fit society  is  organized.  In  America,  everything 
revolves  about  the  woman.  The  attitude  of  the 
average  Frenchman  towards  women  is — intoler- 
able! Now  the  American  man  treats  women  as 
his  equals. 

MRS.    FROST 

As  his  superiors,  you  mean! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Yes!  Any  woman  who  couldn't  get  along 
with  American  men — 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  89 

MRS.    FROST 

Even  American  men  will  bear  watching!  But 
one  hears  such  dreadful  stories  of  the  conduct  of 
European  husbands!  I  don't  see  how  a  French 
wife  can  ever  feel — certain ! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

She  couldn't,  if  she  conducted  herself  on  the 
American  plan. 

THE    THREE    WOMEN 

[Together.]  "The  American  plan"?  What 
do  you  mean  ? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Well,  to  be  quite  candid,  American  wives  strike 
me — after  a  long  residence  abroad — as  being 
rather  careless ! 

MRS.  FROST 

[Indignantly.]  Careless!  When  I've  never 
let  Charlie  get  wet  feet,  not  once  since  we  were 
married ! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Don't  be  a  goose,  Emily!  Feet  aren't  the 
point.  Mrs.  Oliver  means  that  the  American  wife 
doesn't  stay  on  her  job — 


90  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

RACIE 

[Earnestly.]     What  is  a  wife's  job? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Lightly.]  Isn't  it  to  convince  her  husband 
that  she  is  the  only  woman  in  the  world  worth  his 
attention*? 

MRS.  FROST 

But  a  wife  can't  stoop  to  a  vulgar  struggle  of 
that  kind !  She  should  stand  on  her  dignity ! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

Some  do.  [Smiles.]  But  it's  a  lonely  eleva- 
tion! 

MRS.  PACKARD 

A  wife  had  better  abandon  her  dignity  than  to 
have  her  husband  abandon  her,  you  mean?  Of 
course  it's  only  in  France  that  such  things  hap- 
pen !  And  how  does  this  wonderful  French  wife 
manage  to  convince  the  man  that  she's  the  only 
one  worth  his  attention? 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[A  little  restive  under  the  sarcasm  of  this.] 
Mainly  by  being  worth  it,  in  every  detail,  and  by 
doing  it  afresh  every  day. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  91 

MRS.  PACKARD 

[Rather  contemptuously.]  Oh,  you  mean  the 
conquests  of  the  toilet-table !  We  all  know  the 
French  excel  in  cosmetics  and  lingerie ! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Stung.]  Well,  really,  Mrs.  Packard,  it's  not 
quite  so  simple  as  that.  In  addition  to  being  an 
expert  in  personal  charm,  the  French  woman  culti- 
vates her  mind  until  she  is  one  of  the  cleverest 
talkers  and  most  sympathetic  listeners  the  world 
can  show.  This  requires  time. 

MRS.  PACKARD 

[Carelessly.}  Heavens,  yes!  How  does  she 
ever  find  time — 

MRS.    FROST 

[Slyly.]     For  bridge4? 

MRS.  PACKARD 

[Quite  seriously.}  Yes!  That  reminds  me — 
I've  a  problem  in  my  suit-case — wait  till  I  show 
you  the  hand — 

[Disappears  into  her  stateroom.     Mrs.  Oli- 
ver nervous.] 


92  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

RACIE 

There  goes  Carrie!  [With  pretended  light- 
ness.'] Your  model  Frenchwoman  never  does 
anything  so  stupid  as — quarrel  with  her  husband, 
does  she*? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Looking  earnestly  at  RACIE.]  She  never 
does  anything  so — dangerous!  If  she  is  really 
trying  to  protect  her  happiness  against  any  in- 
fluences which  menace  it,  a  quarrel  robs  her  of 
her  strongest  weapon. 

RACIE 
[In  a  low  voice.}     Her  strongest  weapon*? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Her  tenderness. 

[RACIE  remains  quite  still  for  a  moment, 
turning  her  wedding-ring  on  her  finger.} 

[Suddenly  upon  their  silence,  MRS.  PACK- 
ARD re-enters  hastily  from  her  stateroom, 
her  face  flushed,  and  carrying  an  open 
suit-case.  MRS.  OLIVER  quails  on  seeing 
her,  then  recovers  her  courage,  and  faces 
the  situation  without  flinching.} 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  93 

MRS.  PACKARD 

Oh!  Oh!  Oh!  Emily!  Racie!  Girls! 
[In  a  choked  voice.}  Look  at  that!  What 
would  your  model  French  wife  say  to  that,  I  won- 
der? [Dumps  the  suit-case  on  the  circular  seat 
in  the  midst  of  them.] — Or  that — or  that? 
[Holds  up_  a  lace  negligee  cap  in  one  hand,  and 
a  filmy  dressing-gown  in  the  other.] 

RACIE 

[Seizing  the  dressing-gown.]  How  heavenly, 
Carrie!  Is  it  yours? 

[MRS.  FROST  holds  up  a  hare's  foot  and 
slippers.] 

MRS.  PACKARD 

It  certainly  is  not!  Does  it  look  like  my  prop- 
erty?— Or  Packy's? 

MRS.    FROST 

[With  night-gown  case.]  Oh-h!  Is  there  no 
name  on  the  case? 

MRS.  PACKARD 

[Looking  at  end  of  case.]  No!  Just 
"XXX"— 3  X's— like  a  barrel  of  flour— 


94  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

[Crosses  and  sits  Center  with  stocking  in  hand.] 
— and  strapped  to  one  of  Packy's.  [Stops  short. 
MRS.  FROST  gives  a  cry  of  horror.]  Yes! 
Packy  came  here  directly  from  his  fishing-trip — 
didn't  even  go  home,  but  drove  to  the  Club,  found 
Inky's  wire  there,  and  came  on  here  bag  and  bag- 
gage. [Wipes  eyes  with  silk  stocking.]  And  I 
would  like  to  know  what  baggage  is  responsible 
for  this! 

[She  runs  her  bare  forearm  up  the  stocking 
and  holds  it  out,  displaying  a  succession 
of  diamond-shaped  medallions  of  black 
lace,  which  are  distinctly  visible^  as  she 
flourishes  them  before  RACIE,  MRS. 
OLIVER  and  MRS.  FROST,  who  recoil  as 
from  a  viper.} 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[With  an  effort.]     It's  a  beautiful  design! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Oh,  she's  a  designing  wretch  whoever  she  is! 
Is  that  the  outfit  of  a  lady"?  I  may  have  my 
nose  over  the  bridge  table  most  of  the  time, 
but  I've  got  eyes  and  ears  too,  and  those  stock- 
ings speak  louder  than  words.  [Flourishes  them 
again.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  95 

FROST'S  VOICE 

[From  companioniuay,  above.]  What  are 
you  all  about  down  there? 

MRS.  FROST 

[In  a  panic.]  Quick!  Carrie!  It's  Charlie! 
[Clutches  the  case.]  I  wouldn't  have  Charlie  see 
those  things  for  anything  in  the  world ! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Then  head  your  Charlie  off! 

[MRS.  OLIVER  exits  into  her  stateroom.] 

MRS.    FROST 

[Going  up.]  Don't  come  down,  Charlie,  I'm 
coming  up. 

RACIE 
You  don't  really  think — 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Calmly.]  Think,  my  dear,  I  know.  Long 
experience  has  taught  me  that  this — [Indicating 
contents  of  suit-case.] — is  the  bait  for  fishing- 
trips.  I  never  expected  Jim  Packard  to  be  a 
saint — if  I  had  I'd  have  been  disappointed,  but 
heretofore — [Sits  down  heavily.] — he's  always 


96  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

been  considerate  enough  to  keep  his  escapades  out 
of  my  sight. 

RACIE 

[Appalled.]  And  that's  your  idea  of  consid- 
eration— keeping  things  from  you? 

MRS.    PACKARD 

My  dear  child,  don't  be  so  horrified.  Your 
husband  does  just  the  same. 

RACIE 
Tom?     Never! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Tolerantly.]  Of  course  not.  He's  the  one 
exception  in  the  world  .  .  .  and  every  woman 
thinks  so! 

RACIE 
Oh,  but  I  know  that  Tom.  .  .  . 

[Stops  suddenly.} 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Kindly.,  seeing  RACIE' s  distress."}  Well,  well 
— you've  only  been  married  a  couple  of  years. 
Perhaps  you've  succeeded  in  keeping  Tom  tied 
to  your  apron  strings. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  97 

RACIE 

[Indignantly.}     Indeed,  I  haven't. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Oh,  you  don't  like  that  either?  Well,  if  you 
don't  want  him  tied,  and  you  don't  want  him  free, 
what  do  you  want? 

RACIE 

For  him  to  stay,  not  because  he's  tied,  but  be- 
cause he  wants  to. 

[Exits  into  her  stateroom  and  slams  door.} 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Who  has  followed  her  to  door.}  What's  the 
use  of  your  getting  into  a  rage  with  me?  [Turns 
as  FROST  enters  and  looks  inquisitively  at  suit- 
case.} Excuse  me! 

[Goes  down  to  table,  crams  things  into  suit- 
case and  puts  it  under  the  circular  seat.} 

FROST 

[Sees  a  stocking  that  MRS.  PACKARD  has 
dropped,  and  picks  it  up.}  What's  this? 

MRS.    PACKARD 

What's  what?  [MRS.  PACKARD  crosses, 
snatches  stocking  from  him  and  crams  it  in  her 


98  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

pocket.} — Thank  you!  [Goes  up  steps.} 

[FROST  left  alone  with  the  suit-case  pulls  it 
out,  opens  it,  and  gleefully  examines  con- 
tents piece  by  piece  until  MRS.  FROST  en- 
ters.} 

MRS.    FROST 

[Calls.}     Charlie! — Charles,    what  have   you 
there? 

FROST 

Oh  nothing.     Nothing  whatever! 

[Hides  negligee  under  front  of  coat.} 

MRS.    FROST 

[Turning  him  around.}  Do  you  call  that 
nothing?  [Pulls  it  out.} 

FROST 

Oh,  that  little  trifle?  It's  nothing!  There's 
nothing  in  it. 

MRS.    FROST 

Perhaps  you  had  rather  there  were  something 
in  it.  [Shuts  case  and  shoves  it  under  seat.} 
Charles,  are  you  responsible  for  the  contents  of 
that  suit-case? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  99 

FROST 

Don't  be  silly,  Emily — how  should  I  know 
anything  about  the  contents  of  that  suit-case?  I 
do  not !  But  I  am  willing  to  learn ! 

MRS.    FROST 

Charles ! 

FROST 

Yes,  why  don't  you  get  a  few  things  like  this 
instead  of  that  old  blue  flannel  wrapper  and  your 
hair  in  curl  papers — you  know  a  fellow  gets 
awfully  tired  of  that  sort  of  thing. 

MRS.  FROST 
You,  Charles,  a  sober  middle-aged  man? 

FROST 

I'm  not  so  old  that  I  haven't  got  a  leaning 
towards  pretty  things  of  that  kind. 

MRS.    FROST 

Oh,  if  that's  all— 

FROST 

It's  not  all — but  it's  something — it'll  help ! 

MRS.    FROST 

Charles  Frost,  you  must  be  out  of  your  head ! 
Me  wear  things  like  that!  Why,  I  never  did, 


ioo          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

nor   my   mother,    nor   my   grandmother   before 
me! 

FROST 

Perhaps  it  would  have  been  better  if  they  had ! 
You  know,  Emily,  every  man  likes  to  look  at  a 
red  apple  occasionally! 

[Ton  runs  down  companionway.] 

MRS.    FROST 

[Indignantly,  crossing  R.]  So  did  Adam! 
Apples !  I'll  get  you  a  mustard  plaster. 

[Exits  R.] 

TOM 

[Pausing  on  steps.}  I  say,  Frost,  what's  the 
trouble? 

FROST 

[Going  R.]  "Trouble"!  How  do  you  mean 
"trouble"? 

TOM 

[Coming  down.]     Mrs.  Frost  seemed  upset. 

FROST 

I  hadn't  noticed  anything — nothing  unusual! 
[Turning  on  TOM.]  My  wife's  all  right!  She 
suits  me!  I  like  her  like  that.  That's  the  way 
I  like  her! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  101 

[Exits  R.  as  RACIE  comes  out  of  her  state- 
room and  meets  TOM  at  C.] 

TOM 
I  beg  your  pardon!  [Turns  to  go.] 

RACIE 

[As  he  turns  away.]  Wait,  Tom!  I  hope 
you  don't  think  I  planned  this! 

TOM 

[Facing  her  squarely.]  See  here,  Racie! 
I'm  not  going  to  force  myself  on  you.  You've 
showed  me  pretty  plainly  how  you  feel — 

RACIE 

You  showed  me  that  you  wanted  your  liberty 
— and  I  gave  it  to  you. 

TOM 

Liberty!  Rubbish!  Because  a  man  wants 
to  go  on  a  fishing  trip  with  a  few  friends ! 

RACIE 
Carrie  Packard  says — 

TOM 

I  don't  care  what  anybody  says,  Racie — there 
was  nothing  for  you  to  get  upset  over — 


102          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

RACIE 

[Quickly.}  It  was  the  time  you  selected  for 
your  trip — 

TOM 
I  didn't  select  the  time — the  boys  did  that. 

RACIE 

[Sits  C.]  But  you  never  remembered  that  the 
fifteenth  was  our  anniversary.  .  .  . 

TOM 

[Sits  by  her.]  That  went  clean  out  of  my 
head.  I  was  so  all-fired  busy  before  I  left,  it 
didn't  occur  to  me,  but,  by  jingo!  when  it  did, 
didn't  I  cut  out  the  rest  of  the  cruise,  take  a  train 
at  Portsmouth  and  get  back  late  that  evening  with 
a  little  present  in  my  pocket  for  you,  and  a  little 
supper  all  planned — 

RACIE 

[Surprised.]  But,  Tom,  you  never  told  me 
that! 

TOM 

I  never  had  the  chance !  When  I  got  back  that 
night — after  a  whole  day's  travel  to  make  it,  you 
know  what  I  found — a  locked  door — an  invisible 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  103 

wife,  and  all  my  things  moved  upstairs.  Not 
that  I  mind  that — I  like  the  new  arrangement! 
But  it  was  the  way  you  did  it — no  man'll  stand 
being  treated  like  a  bad  boy ! 

RACIE 

[Leaning  her  head  on  her  hand.}  I  never 
thought  married  life  could  be  so  difficult!  It 
looks  so  easy. 

TOM 
Other  people  seem  to  get  along  all  right. 

RACIE 

[Protestingly.]  Yes,  but  where  do  they  get 
to?  Either  they  "shake  down"  and  become  fond 
of  each  other  in  a  horrid,  nagging,  middle-aged 
fashion,  like  the  Frosts,  or  they  grow  farther  and 
farther  apart,  like  Carrie  and  Jim  Packard — each 
going  their  own  way,  and  only  meeting  by  chance. 
Carrie  told  me  this  was  the  first  week-end  she  and 
Jim  had  spent  together  this  year,  and  this  was 
an  accident.  Isn't  there  any  middle  path? 

TOM 

Of  course  there  is.  But  we've  got  to  give  in 
to  each  other  occasionally. 


104          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

RACIE 

[Making  an  involuntary  movement  towards 
him.]  It's  that  "occasionally"  that  makes  all 
the  trouble.  Each  one  always  thinks  it's  the 
other's  turn  to  give  in! 

TOM 

[Putting  his  hand  under  her  chin,  and  tipping 
her  face  up.]  Then  we  ought  to  have  a  schedule. 

RACIE 

Yes!  You  give  in  to  me  on  Mondays,  Wed- 
nesdays and  Fridays,  and  I'll  give  in  to  you  Tues- 
days, Thursdays  and  Saturdays. 

TOM 
[Puffing  his  arm  around  her.]     And  Sundays? 

RACIE 

Sundays,  we'll  have  a  good  fight  and  catch 
even. 

TOM 

[Kissing  her.]  I  say,  Racie,  why  aren't  you 
always  as  jolly  as  this*? 

[!N GRAHAM   enters  on  kiss  and  slips  out 
again.} 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  105 

RACIE 

[Coaxingly.}     Tom,  what  was  the  present"? 

TOM 
[Surprised.]     Oh,  the  anniversary  present? 

RACIE 

Yes,  yes,  you  haven't  .  .  . 

TOM 

[Pretending  embarrassment  to  tease  her.] 
Why,  I  selected  a  pair  of  garter  buckles,  beauties 
they  were,  too,  but  of  course  after  what  happened, 
I  didn't  think  you'd  care  for  them,  so  I — I  - 

RACIE 

[Interrupting  him  with  a  little  cry.]  Oh! 
Tom!  I  know!  .  .  .  You've  given  them  to 
someone  else !  [Covers  her  face  -with  her  hands. [ 

TOM 

Why,  Racie! 

[As  she  bursts  into  tears,  still  covering  her 
face,  he  draws  out  of  his  pocket  a  jew- 
eller's case,  opens  it  so  that  the  audience 
may  see  a  pair  of  diamond  buckles  inside, 
and  is  about  to  give  it  to  RACIE.] 


io6          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

RACIE 

[In  a  sob)  'without  lifting  her  head.]  Carrie 
Packard  was  right! 

TOM 

[Draws  back  the  case  and  says  sternly.} 
What  has  Mrs.  Packard  to  do  with  it?  How  is 
she  right? 

RACIE 

[Still  hiding  her  face.}  She  told  me  I  was  a 
fool  to  trust  you  to  go  off  on  fishing-trips.  .  .  . 

TOM 

[Closing  the  case  and  returning  it  to  his 
pocket.}  Oh,  she  did,  did  she?  That  was  kind 
of  Mrs.  Packard!  And  you  believed  everything 
she  told  you?  You  thought  because  Jim  goes  in 
for  certain  things,  that  I  ... 

RACIE 

[Interrupting.}  Sometimes  on  trips  like  these 
— there — are — women  aboard ! 

TOM 

[Hotly.}  Well,  there  might  be  any  amount 
for  all  I  care!  That  sort  of  woman  doesn't  ap- 
peal to  me  in  the  least. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  107 

RACIE 

[Stung.]     Oh,  it's  only  because  such  a  woman 
doesn't  appeal  to  you  then*?     If  she  did  .  .  . 

TOM 
Racie,  have  you  taken  leave  of  your  senses? 

RACIE 
No,  I've  just  come  to  them. 

[As  they  stand  confronting  each  other,  MRS. 
OLIVER  enters  Right,  sees  TOM  and 
RACIE,  'pauses  the  fraction  of  a  second, 
and  goes  straight  on.] 

MRS.    OLIVER 

The  sun's  coming  out  beautifully.     Aren't  you 
going  on  deck,  Mrs.  Updegraff? 

RACIE 

[Recovering  herself,   and  retreating  into   her 
stateroom.]     Yes!     As  soon  as  I  get  my  hat! 

[Closes  door.} 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[To  cover  TOM'S  confusion.]     Mr.  Ingraham 
says  we'll  soon  be  starting  now. 

TOM 

[Irritably.]     I  hope  so!     This  sticking  in  an 
eternal    fog   gets    on    my    nerves!     [His   voice 


io8          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

softens  before  her  gaze  and  he  adds,  more  gently. \ 
Won't  you  have  a  cocktail? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

No,  thanks.     I  never  take  them.     Mix  your- 
self one,  and  give  me  a  glass  of  vichy,  please. 

[As  TOM  goes  down  to  the  sideboard,  she 
enters  her  stateroom  for  a  moment,  but 
does  not  close  the  door.} 

[Four  bells  are  struck  above.} 
[Speaking  from  her  stateroom.}     Surely  it's 
later  than  four  o'clock? 

TOM 

[Busy  at  the  sideboard.}     That's  four  bells, 
six  o'clock,  ship  time,  you  know. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Coming   out  of  her  stateroom   wearing  the 
hat  in  which  she  first  ap'peared,  but  with  a  motor- 
veil  wound  round  it,  and  a  long  coat  over  her 
arm.} 
I  didn't  know. 

TOM 

[Puzzled.}     Why,  I  thought  you  understood 
all  about  boats ! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  109 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Puzzled.]  Why,  what  ever  made  you  think 
that?  [Comes  down  to  him.] 

TOM 

Some  one  was  saying  that  Mr.  Oliver — 
[Breaks  off  as  she  comes  close  to  him,  looking  at 
her  intently.]  I  say,  surely,  we've  met  before! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Startled,  but  speaking  lightly.]  Why,  no. 
I  should  have  remembered. 

TOM 

So  should  I!  [Looks  at  her  earnestly.]  But 
I've  seen  you  somewhere.  [Handing  her  the 
glass  of  vichy  and  raising  his  own  glass.  ]  Here's 
to  you!  [As  she  takes  hers,  her  hand  trembles 
so  that  she  spills  a  little.]  Why,  how  your  hand 
shakes !  You're  tired — sit  down  here  a  moment." 
[Takes  glass  and  makes  her  sit  on  centre  seat.] 
You'd  better  have  the  whiskey"? 

[Tries  to  give  her  his  glass.] 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Rallying  herself  and  taking  the  vichy  which 
she  drinks  quickly.]  Nonsense!  You're  the  one 


no          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

who  was  just  complaining  of  "nerves" !  You 
were  looking  when  I  came  down  just  now,  as  tho' 
you  found  life — well — difficult! 

TOM 

[Looking  into  his  glass.}  I  was — when  you 
came  down! 

MRS.  OLIVER 
[Briskly.}     Perhaps  I'd  better  go  up  again? 

TOM 

No!  No!  [Suddenly  confidential.}  Tell 
me — you've  been  married — you  are  married — 
what  is  it  makes  the  thing  so  darned — difficult*? 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Equally  frank  and  direct.}  Well,  there  are 
a  number  of  things,  unfortunately.  But  there 
are  on  the  other  hand  one  or  two  things  that  can 
make  marriage  easy  and  pleasant. 

TOM 

[Trying  to  conceal  his  eagerness.}  Men — 
mention  one  or  two — won't  you? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Lightly,  but  with  meaning.}  Well,  one — 
one  is  a  surface.  I  think  one  should  cultivate  a 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  ill 

surface  in  married  life — a  finish,  a  gloss — not  an 
enamel,  that's  too  hard,  and  a  varnish  is  artificial 
— but  a  soft  polish  like  that  one  sees  on  the  best 
furniture, — and  one  should  be  exceedingly  careful 
not  to  let  anything  scratch  or  mar  that  surface. 
In  marriage  a  surface  is  what  the  entente  cordiale 
is  in  the  diplomatic  service.  A  wife  should  main- 
tain a  constant  entente  cordiale  with  her  husband 
— and  be  as  careful  not  to  break  it  as  if  she  were 
maintaining  a  European  peace. 

TOM 

You  know,  I  think  that's  corking.  Why, 
there's  everything  in  having  a  surface! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

On  the  other  hand,  the  qualities  that  go  to  make 
marriage  a  success,  are  all  under  the  surface,  like 
icebergs,  four-fifths  of  which  are  out  of  sight — 
aren't  they1? 

TOM 

I  don't  know!  I  think  you're  out  of  sight! 
You  hit  the  nail  on  the  head  every  time.  A  fel- 
low could — [Pulls  himself  up  sharply.]  How 
is  it  you  understand  so  much  more  than  women, 
usually  do*? 


112          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Rising  rather  abruptly  and  putting  her  veil 
round  her  hat.}  I  don't  know.  Because  I  keep 
my  eyes  open,  I  suppose.  Aren't  we  going  on 
deck? 

TOM 

[Joyfully,  as  she  looks  at  him  over  her  shoul- 
der.] — I  know  where  I  saw  you  before!  It  was 
you  in  Packy's  motor-car  this  afternoon,  passing 
the  University  Club.  Of  course!  [Moment's 
pause.]  I  didn't  know  you  knew  old  Packy! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Speaking  with  difficulty.]  Didn't  you  see 
him  introduced  to  me  on  deck  this  afternoon? 

TOM 

Why,  yes,  I  remember  now.  And  yet  I  could 
have  sworn  to  the  veil  and  hat.  I  admired  the 
glimpse  I  had  of  you  so  much,  that  I  remember 
saying,  "There  goes  old  Packy  with  another 
pretty  woman." 

[Suddenly  catching  a  glimpse  of  her  face, 

as  she  turns  away] 

Don't  go!  What  have  I  said?  [Seizing  her 
hand,  which  she  tries  to  withdraw]  I  beg  your 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  113 

pardon.     What  if  you  were  in  Packy's  motor, 
you  don't  think  I  meant — anything — wrong? 

[As  she  struggles  to  withdraw  her  hand, 
RACIE  opens  her  door  and  comes  out. 
MRS.  OLIVER  pulls  her  hand  away  and 
runs  upstairs.  TOM  runs  up  hastily  after 
her,  still  saying:] 
Please!  Mrs.  Oliver! 

[Neither  sees  RACIE.] 

[INGRAHAM  enters  R.,  stops  as  he  sees 
RACIE,  whose  back  is  to  him,  as  she  stands 
staring  after  them.] 

INGRAHAM 

Everything  all  right  now,  Racie*? 

RACIE 

[Turning  a  tragic  face.]  No.  Everything's 
wrong.  You  were  right  about  the  consolation- 
parties,  Inky.  I've  just  found  Tom  holding  Mrs. 
Oliver's  hand. 

INGRAHAM 

[Jumping.]     Holding  Mrs.  Oliver's  hand? 

RACIE 

Yes!  .  .  .  and  both  of  them  were  frightfully 
upset. 


ii4          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.  OLIVER'S  VOICE 
[Above.]     I'll  be  back  in  a  moment. 

INGRAHAM 

Sssh!  Here  she  comes!  [As  MRS.  OLIVER 
appears  at  the  head  of  the  companionway.}  Go 
on  deck  by  the  other  staircase.  Leave  us  to- 
gether. 

RACIE 
But,  Inky — 

INGRAHAM 

Do  as  I  say — 

[RACIE  exits  as  MRS.  OLIVER  descends.} 

INGRAHAM 

[Stepping  forward  and  intercepting  MRS. 
OLIVER,  who  looks  nervously  about,  anxious  to 
find  her  suit-case.}  Pardon  me,  Mrs.  Oliver,  but 
could  you  spare  me  one  moment'? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Quietly.}  Certainly,  Mr.  Ingraham,  as  many 
as  you  like,  but  I  can  save  you  several. 

INGRAHAM 

How  can  you  do  that*? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  115 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[With  dignity.]  Because  I  think  I  know 
what  you  want  to  say  to  me. 

INGRAHAM 

\With  determined  lightness. ,]  What  will  you 
wager  that  you  do*? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Anything — a  pair  of  gloves. 

INGRAHAM 

Done! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Defiantly.']  You're  going  to  tell  me  that  you 
find  your  boat  won't  accommodate  as  many  guests 
as  you  had  supposed,  and  that  during  the  remain- 
der of  your  trip,  you  must  forego  the  pleasure  of 
my  society. 

INGRAHAM 

[Spreading  out  his  fingers.]  I  only  wear 
seven  and  a  half,  though  you  mightn't  think  it. 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Surprised.]  Do  you  mean  I've  lost1?  You 
weren't  going  to  say  that — perhaps  not,  now — 
since  I've  said  it  for  you. 


ii6  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

Oh,  come,  Mrs.  Oliver,  you  don't  think  I'd 
shuffle  about  a  bet. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Quickly.}  I  beg  your  pardon.  Well,  what 
were  you  going  to  say  to  me? 

INGRAHAM 

[Very  gently.]  Instead  of  asking  you  to  leave 
I  was  going  to  ask  if  you'd  mind  telling  me  how 
you  happened  to  come? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Still  defiant.]  Surely  Mr.  Packard  ex- 
plained that*? 

INGRAHAM 

Yes,  but,  after  all,  he  gave  me  his  version,  not 
yours. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Looking  at  him  intently  for  a  moment.] 
That's  very  kind  of  you,  very  kind.  [Sits  C.] 

INGRAHAM 

Everyone  has  a  right  to  be  heard. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  117 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Lifting  her  head  with  a  dignity. "\  You  cer- 
tainly have  a  right  to  an  explanation.  Most 
men  would  have  demanded  it  when  I  came  on 
board. 

INGRAHAM 

And  made  a  scene?  [Shrugs.]  A  man  may 
commit  murder,  under  provocation,  but  he  may 
not  make  a  scene. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

I'd  have  gone  away  then  if  there'd  been  any 
way  open.  I — I — don't  like  forcing  myself  on 
people,  Mr.  Ingraham. 

INGRAHAM 

Oh,  please,  Mrs.  Oliver,  I  saw  the  situation  was 
as  difficult  for  you  as  it  was  for  me. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Mr.  Packard  made  a  dreadful  blunder,  I  can't 
yet  see  how!  He  told  me  that  he  had  the  loan 
of  a  friend's  yacht  over  the  week-end,  and  that 
there'd  be  no  one  but  ourselves!  He  couldn't 
have  known  that  his  wife  .  .  . 


ii8          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

[Hastily.]  No,  no,  of  course  not.  He 
thought  it  was  a — a  different  kind  of  a  party  alto- 
gether— a  bachelor-party. 

MRS.  OLIVER 
How  horrible! 

INGRAHAM 

[Distressed.]  Oh,  why  discuss  what  Packy 
may  have  thought? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Have  I  come  to  that!  To  be  taken  for  the  sort 
of  woman  who  goes  to  bachelor-parties,  rowdy, 
vulgar,  champagne-drinking  affairs? 

INGRAHAM 

Packy's  an  ass!  I  told  him  so,  but — after 
all— 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Looks  up  quickly.}  You  think  there's  no 
difference  between  my  coming  with  him  alone  and 
coming  with  him  on  a  party,  such  as  I've  just 
described?  [Stopping  him  as  he  is  about  to 
answer.]  Mr.  Ingraham,  I  lead  my  own  life — 
I'm  answerable  to  no  one.  I  don't  adhere  to  the 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  119 

established  code  of  morals,  but  I  have  standards 
of  my  own.  I  haven't  lost  my  self-respect.  I 
lead  a  quiet,  exclusive  life.  .  .  . 

INGRAHAM 

[As  frankly  and  simply  as  she.}  But  you 
...  er  ...  do  lead  it?  I  wonder,  without 
impertinence  or  curiosity,  I  wonder  why*? 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Slowly.]  Don't  think  that  I  took  it  up  de- 
liberately, or  that  it's  what  I  should  most  prefer. 
Do  me  the  justice  to  believe  that.  I  took  the  step 
which  shaped  my  life  when  I  was  young,  alone, 
impatient  of  obstacles.  I  wanted  my  share  in 
the  beauty  and  the  happiness  of  the  world.  I 
thought  I  couldn't  live  in  sordidness  and  loneli- 
ness, utterly  without  affection.  I  claim  entire 
freedom  in  my  way  of  living,  but  I  do  feel  that 
the  dignity  with  which  I  condition  it,  makes  a 
sort  of  career  for  it.  Of  course  the  prudes  and 
the  moralists  will  never  agree  to  this,  but 
you  .  .  .  [Looks  at  his  face  a  moment  and  then 
drops  her  eyes.]  I  see.  .  .  .  You're  like  the 
rest.  You  recognize  no  degrees  in  a  life  like 
mine.  Once  a  woman  steps  outside  the  conven- 
tional pale  she's  black,  black  as  the  ace  of  spades. 


120          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

You're  all  the  same,  you  men,  you're  all  color 
blind.  [She  walks  a  step  or  two  away.] 

INGRAHAM 

[After  a  moment's  rpause,  gently.']  You're 
wrong  there,  Mrs.  Oliver.  We're  not  color  blind 
— some  men  have  quite  an  eye  for  color.  They 
know  the  difference  between  black  and  grey,  for 
instance,  perfectly.  They  even  admire  some 
shades  of  pale  grey,  [bows  kindly  to  her]  very 
much.  But — they  have  decreed  that  white's  the 
wear  for  their  women  folk,  and  white  alone. 
You  can't  deceive  the  world  about  white.  The 
least  spot  or  stain  shows  on  it — any  one  can  see 
at  a  glance  whether  it's  white  or  not.  You  may 
abuse  men  for  selecting  such  a  troublesome,  ex- 
pensive color,  when  there  are  so  many  serviceable, 
work-a-day  shades  that  won't  show  spots  or 
stains.  Men  have  queer  notions,  perhaps,  but 
they're  not  color  blind.  [Hurrying  on  as  MRS. 
OLIVER  starts  to  speak.]  Do  please  understand 
me.  I'm  not  sitting  in  judgment  on  you.  After 
a  sheltered,  comfortable  life,  in  which  you  hadn't 
even  to  think  for  yourself,  you  had  to  choose, 
somewhere,  sometime,  between  hardship  and  lux- 
ury, between  fending  for  yourself  and — allowing 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  121 

some  one  else  to  fend  for  you.     You  made  your 
choice. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Lifting  her  head.}  And  I'm  paying  for  it, 
Mr.  Ingraham.  Don't  make  any  mistake  about 
that.  One  pays  for  what  one  gets  in  this  world. 
Of  course — I  don't  complain — 

INGRAHAM 

No,  you  wouldn't.  I  can  see  that  it's  an 
odd  sort  of  satisfaction  to  you  that  you  do  pay! 
You  believe  in  a  quid  pro  quo. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Dryly.]  It  exists  in  most  relationships  in 
life  whether  you  believe  in  it  or  not. 

INGRAHAM 

[Thoughtfully.}  What  you  said  about  your 
self-respect  is  true.  A  woman  of  your  caliber 
never  goes  the  easy,  greedy,  down-hill  way  of  the 
weakling.  Whatever  you  do,  you  do  well. 
You  have  the  artist's  instinct  for  perfection — 
[Rising.]  and  that's  what  makes  you  so  dangerous. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Rising  also.]     Mr.  Ingraham! 


122  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

I'm  worried  about  my  brother-in-law.  He 
and  my  sister  have  quarrelled,  they'll  make  a  mess 
of  their  happiness  if  somebody  doesn't  stand  by 
and  help  them.  I'm  standing  by.  [She  starts 
to  speak.]  I  know  you  mean  no  harm.  But 
Tom's  a  little  off  his  head,  and  the  society  of — 
an  artist  in  charm — [She  smiles  rather  sadly.] 
I  must  seem  an  ungracious  host. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

To  an  uninvited  guest? 

INGRAHAM 

\  Kindly.}  Sssh!  We'll  forget  all  that. 
Why,  I've  talked  to  you  like  an  old  friend;  I 
trust  you,  and  I  trust  Tom.  There's  a  chance 
of  him  and  Racie  coming  together  again,  and  as 
long  as  there's  a  chance,  I'll  stand  by. 

MRS.  OLIVER 

And  I'll  help  you.  [They  shake  hands.} 
But  frankly,  Mr.  Ingraham,  your  sister's  just 
throwing  her  husband  at  the  head  of  the  first 
woman  who  looks  at  him. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  123 

INGRAHAM 

I  don't  know  what  gets  into  the  married 
women.  They  act  like  spoiled  children.  No 
wonder  they  can't  compete  with  a — a  woman  like 
you! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Oh,  please,  I'm  not  competing  with  them. 

INGRAHAM 

Perhaps  not,  but  see  how  it  works  out.  Mrs. 
Frost  nags  her  husband  and  belittles  him,  you 
show  him  a  little  appreciation,  and  he's  putty  in 
your  hands;  Mrs.  Packard  neglects  Packy  for 
bridge,  he  invites  you  to  spend  week-ends  with 
him;  Racie  sends  Tom  to  Coventry  on  the  top- 
floor,  and  is  surprised  that  he  doesn't  want  a 
return  ticket.  If  she'd  only  meet  him  half-way ! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

I  might  give  her  a  few  object-lessons! 

INGRAHAM 

No!     No!     No!     You  promised! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

And  I'll  keep  my  word.  Where  can  you  land 
me? 


124          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

If  this  fog  holds  off,  we'll  make  New  London 
before  tomorrow  morning. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

And  I'll  go  ashore  early. 

INGRAHAM 

Having  first  received  a  telegram. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Of  course.     A  telegram  saying  that  Mr.  Oliver 
is  dangerously  ill. 

INGRAHAM 

[Quickly.}     Don't  let  him  die,  please!     I'd 
rather  you  weren't  left  a  widow  at  this  juncture. 
[MRS.  FROST  enters  suddenly  from  passage- 
way R.,  with  an  apron  on,  a  sauce'pan  in 
one   hand,   and  an   armful   of   mustard 
boxes.} 

INGRAHAM 

[As    she    drops     two     boxes.]     Allow     me. 
[Picks  them  up.}     What  have  you  here*? 

MRS.    FROST 

Mustard.     You  said  I  might  ask  the  cook  for 
anything  I  wanted. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  125 

INGRAHAM 

By  all  means.  ...  Is  it  ...  is  it  for  a  rare- 
bit? 

MRS.    FROST 

Rarebit!  No!  For  Charlie!  A  plaster  for 
his  chest.  Haven't  you  heard  him  coughing"? 

MRS.  OLIVER 
[Surprised.]     I  hadn't  noticed  it. 

MRS.    FROST 

A  dreadful  hollow  bark!  He  would  stay  on 
deck  in  this  horrid  fog!  He'll  be  lucky  if  he 
doesn't  have  tonsilitis. 

[Glares  at  MRS.  OLIVER  and  hurries  into  her 
stateroom,  dropping  another  box  as  she 
shuts  the  door.] 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[As  INGRAHAM  returns  to  her.]  He'll  be 
lucky  if  he  doesn't  have  that  mustard  plaster. 
I  think  instead  of  having  a  telegram,  /'//  have 
tonsilitis. 

INGRAHAM 

No,  nothing  catching.  We'd  be  quarantined. 
A  sprained  ankle  would  be  simpler. 


126          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.    OLIVER 

The  very  thing!     Your  stairs  were  especially 
built  for  it. 

INGRAHAM 

But  can  you  fall  down  them  and  sprain  your 
ankle,  without  really  spraining  it? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Of  course  I  can!     I  shan't  really  hurt  myself, 
but  you'll  all  think  I  have ! 

[They  speak  almost  in  whispers,  glancing  at 
MRS.  FROST'S  door.} 

INGRAHAM 

Then  it  won't  do  for  you  to  go  ashore. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

On  the  contrary,  I'll  have  to  catch  the  first 
train  to  New  York,  to  have  it  put  in  plaster. 

INGRAHAM 

Good!     There's  a  train  from  New  London  at 
six. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Then  I'll  have  a  bad  night  and  leave  before 
the  others  are  up. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  127 

INGRAHAM 

[Courteously.]  .You'll  permit  me  to  escort 
you? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Firmly,  but  with  a  grateful  look.]  You 
must  stay  here  to  make  the  explanations.  Jenks 
can  put  me  on  the  train. 

INGRAHAM 

[Looks  at  watch.}  Do  you  prefer  to  fall  be- 
fore or  after  dinner?  There'll  hardly  be  time 
before,  will  there? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Oh  yes,  the  sooner,  the  better. 

[Starts  up  the  steps.] 

INGRAHAM 

I'll  stand  ready  to  pick  you  up,  then. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Over  her  shoulder  in  a  loud  whisper.] 
Don't!  It  would  look  as  though  we  planned  it. 

[She  goes  up.} 

INGRAHAM 

Right!     [PACKARD  and  FROST  enter  from  R.] 


128  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

PACKY 

I  say,  Inky,  what's  the  matter  with 
met  him  on  the  deck  just  now  and  he  glared  at 
me  and  said  I  was  no  gentleman. 

FROST 

Said  he  was  getting  off  at  New  London,  and 
going  back  to  New  York. 

INGRAHAM 

We're  a  good  way  from  New  London  yet — 

[MRS.   OLIVER,  uttering  a  little  cry,  falls 

from  the  top  of  the  steps  to  the  bottom 

and  lands  with  one  foot  bent  under  her.] 

INGRAHAM    AND   PACKY 

[Together.]     Oh— ah! 

FROST 

[Rushing  to  her.]     My  dear  Mrs.  Oliver! 

TOM 
[Running  down  steps.]     You're  not  hurt? 

PACKY 

By  Jove,  she's  fainted! 

[MRS.  OLIVER'S  eyes  are  closed.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  129 

INGRAHAM 

[Quickly    approaching.]     Oh,    I    think    not. 
It's  only  .  . 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Opening  her  eyes  at  the  sound  of  his  voice, 
and  speaking  faintly.]     Only  a  sprained  ankle! 
[Tries  to  move  her  foot,  and  winces,  giving 
a  very  real  groan.] 

[INGRAHAM  beams.] 

TOM    AND    PACKY 

We'll  lift  you!     Now,  all  together. 

[They  and  FROST  support  MRS.  OLIVER  to 
seat  C.] 

MRS.    FROST 

[Entering        from       stateroom.]      [Sternly.] 
Charles!     What  is  this? 

FROST 

Come  and  help  Mrs.  Oliver,  Emily.     She  has 
fallen! 

MRS.    FROST 

"Fallen"!     Fallen  downstairs,  you  mean? 
[Her  face  relaxes,  she  kneels  down,  sauce- 
pan in  hand,  as  RACIE  and  MRS.  PACKARD 


130  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

come    down    the    steps.     MRS.    OLIVER 
hastily  covers  her  ankles  with  her  skirt.} 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Coming  forward.]  What  is  it — a  sprained 
ankle! 

[All  the  women  come  to  the  seat.] 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Quickly  protecting  her  foot.]  Please  don't 
touch  it !  I  can't  bear  for  you  to  touch  it. 

MRS.   PACKARD 

Nonsense!  It  must  be  bandaged.  I'll  band- 
age it.  Bandages,  Racie.  Emily,  take  away 
that  saucepan  and  fetch  me  some  water.  Clear 
out,  you  men!  [She  rolls  up  her  sleeves — com- 
petently. RACIE  and  MRS.  FROST  exeunt  to  the 
stateroom.  TOM  and  FROST  go  up  steps  arguing 
"She  ought  to  step  on  it" — "She  oughtn't  to  step 
on  it"  MRS.  PACKARD  goes  up  stage  and  gets 
towels  from  her  stateroom.]  The  bandages 
should  be  damp. 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Desperately,  aside  to  INGRAHAM.]  I  can't 
have  it  bandaged!  Help  me  to  my  stateroom! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  131 

[She  struggles  up,  puts  her  foot  to  the  floor  and 
nearly  faints.  To  INGRAHAM.]  Some  sherry, 
quick ! 

INGRAHAM 

[Speaks  at  sideboard.]  What  an  actress  you 
are!  You  almost  fooled  me! 

[She  snatches  the  opportunity,  while  he  is 
pouring  out  the  sherry,  to  pull  of  her 
stocking,  and  as  he  brings  her  the  sherry, 
the  women  re-enter.] 

MRS.  PACKARD 

[Bustling  back  with  her  sleeves  rolled  up,  fol- 
lowed by  MRS.  FROST  and  RACIE  with  damp 
bandages.]  Now,  Mr.  Ingraham,  we  shan't  need 
you!  [Kneeling  down  by  MRS.  OLIVER  as  IN- 
GRAHAM exits  with  glass.]  Stocking  already  off? 
[Examines  the  ankle.]  Good!  It  hasn't  had 
time  to  swell  yet!  [Begins  bandaging.]  I'm 
afraid  this  means  no  rubber  tonight,  but  we  can 
play  all  day  tomorrow.  You  must  give  me  my 
revenge ! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Wincing.]  You're  getting — your  revenge — 
now — by  being — so  good  to  me! 


132          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.  PACKARD 

Good?  When  I'm  hurting  you  like  the  deuce. 
There!  That's  as  tight  as  I  can  make  it.  Will 
you  see  if  you  can  step  on  it*? 

[As  MRS.  OLIVER  rises,  and  lowers  her  band- 
aged foot  to  the  floor,  MRS.  PACKARD 
picks  up  the  empty  stocking  and  runs  her 
arm  and  hand  mechanically  into  it  to  turn 

u.} 

Here's  your  stock — 

[She  glances  at  it,  stops  abruptly.  MRS. 
OLIVER  looks  back  at  MRS.  PACKARD,  sees 
the  stocking  too,  and  gives  a  sharp  cry.] 

MRS.  OLIVER 

Oh! 

RACIE 

[Springing  forward.']     Lean  on  me! 

[MRS.  FROST  also  comes  forward,  and  MRS. 
OLIVER,  stumbling  between  her  and 
RACIE,  gains  her  own  door.  MRS.  PACK- 
ARD remains  kneeling,  staring  at  the 
stocking  on  her  arm,  and  taking  the  other 
stocking  from  her  pocket,  compares  the 
two.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  133 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Faintly.]  Thank  you— thank  you  all!  I'll 
be — better  alone — now! 

[She  vanishes  inside  the  door,  leaving  RACIE 
and  MRS.  FROST  outside.  Surprised,  they 
turn  to  MRS.  PACKARD,  who  rises  and  holds 
out  the  stockings  on  her  extended  arms.] 

MRS.   PACKARD 

Girls!     Do  you  see  this? 

MRS.    FROST 

Mrs.  Oliver's  stocking? 

MRS.   PACKARD 

Mrs.  Oliver's  stockings!  And  Mrs.  Oliver's 
suit-case,  too!  Oh!  She's  been  making  nice 
fools  of  us — laughing  at  us  in  her  sleeve — she  and 
our  husbands — 

RACIE 

What?     What! 

MRS.    FROST 

Our  husbands ! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Rising  to  her  feet.]  Yes!  If  it  was  Packy 
who  brought  her  here,  I  notice  Charlie  and  Tom 


134          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

haven't  allowed  him  to  spend  much  time  in  her 
society ! 

RACIE  AND  MRS.   FROST 

No,  they  haven't.  You're  right!  They 
haven't. 

[Ton  and  FROST  run  down,  followed  by 
PACKY,  to  find  MRS.  PACKARD,  RACIE,  and 
MRS.  FROST  facing  them  with  blazing 
eyes.] 

TOM 

[Hurrying  to  RACIE.]  What  is  the  mat- 
ter? 

RACIE 
[Shrinking  back.]     Oh,  Tom,  I  trusted  you! 

MRS.   FROST 

[Sternly.]     Charles!     I  suspected  you! 

MRS.   PACKARD 

[To  PACKY,  who  remains  transfixed,  open- 
mouthed,  gazing  at  the  suit-case.]  I'm  glad  you 
have  the  grace  not  to  open  your  mouth!  [He 
shuts  it.]  These  stockings —  [She  flourishes 
her  arms.]  You  see  these  stockings — 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  135 

PACKY 

[Stammering.]  I  see — see  them  for  the  first 
time,  Carrie,  I  swear! 

MRS.  PACKARD 

That's  not  your  fault,  I'll  wager!  Anyway, 
you  all  saw  'em  just  now  when  that  woman  pre- 
tended to  sprain  her  ankle — 

FROST 
"That  woman" ! 

TOM 

"Pretended" ! 

MRS.  PACKARD 

Yes,  pretended!  Oh,  this  isn't  the  first  time 
she's  fallen,  the  clever  creature !  Such  a  bridge- 
player,  too !  She  made  a  fool  of  me,  but  not  for 
long.  [Throws  the  stockings  down  and>  turning \ 
sees  INGRAHAM,  who  comes  down  and  stands  sur- 
veying the  scene.}  Mr.  Ingraham,  I  must  ask 
you  to  stop  when  you  reach  New  London,  and 
let  me  off  there.  My  connection  with  this  cruise 
is  at  an  end.  [Sails  to  her  stateroom  door.] 

MRS.  FROST 
[Same.]     And  mine! 


136          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

RACIE 

[Same,  sobbing.}     And  m-m-ine! 

[As  the  three  women  disappear,  each  in  her 
own  room,  all  three  doors  are  slammed  in 
quick  succession,  and  in  the  silence,  while 
the  men  stand  speechless,  staring  at  each 
other,  three  bolts  are  heard  to  shoot.} 

TOM  AND  INGRAHAM 

[Savagely  to  PACKY.]     Now  you've  done  it! 

FROST 
[Bewildered.}     What's  Packy  done? 

INGRAHAM 

[Shouts  at  him.}     You  poor  innocent !     Don't 
you  know  yet?, 


CURTAIN 


END    OF    ACT    II 


ACT  III 

TIME:     Before  sunrise,  the  following  morning. 

SCENE:  The  saloon  of  The  Bachelor  below, 
and  the  deck,  above.  In  the  saloon,  which  is 
deserted,  a  single  electric  light  is  burning.  Out- 
side the  closed  doors  of  the  three  staterooms, 
three  loaded  dinner-trays  stand,  untouched. 
Above,  the  light  begins  to  show  in  the  east, 
deepens  into  rose-color  and  sunrise  during  the 
ensuing  scene. 

FROST  and  TOM  and  PACKARD  are  huddled  un- 
comfortably under  steamer-rugs,  in  steamer- 
chairs,  stretched  along  the  front  of  the  deck, 
INGRAHAM  is  doubled  up  on  the  skylight  seat. 
All  are  dozing,  rousing  at  intervals  to  fight  the 
mosquitoes. 

After  a  moment,  FROST  rises  stealthily  from  his 
chair,  and  taking  great  care  not  to  rouse  the 
others,  tiptoes  along  the  deck  toward  the  com- 
panionway.  He  reappears  down  in  the  cabin, 


138          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

slips,  recovers  himself,  tiptoes  to  the  middle 
door,  listens,  steps  accidentally  in  the  tray, 
jumps  back,  then  taps  on  the  panel  of  the  door. 
Silence. 

FROST 

[Putting  his  mouth  to  the  keyhole  and  speaking 
in  a  piercing  whisper.]  Emily!  Emily,  I  say! 
It's  I — Charlie.  [Pause.]  Emily,  I  insist  on 
your  opening  the  door!  [Louder.]  This  is  ri- 
diculous !  I  want  some  more  clothes.  I  am  cold ! 
You  are  entirely  mistaken  about  my  conduct, 
which  was  blameless!  [Sneezes.]  Open  the 
door.  [Sneezes  again.]  You  won't?  [Si- 
lence.] Very  well! 

[Withdraws  with  great  dignity,  giving  a 
couple  of  hollow  coughs  as  he  goes  up 
steps,  and  sto'pping  to  watch  the  door  after 
each  cough.  As  he  disappears,  the  electric 
bell  from  MRS.  OLIVER'S  stateroom  rings. 
JENKS  appears  almost  immediately  from 
Passage-way  R.,  drawing  on  his  jacket  as 
he  comes.  He  seems  very  gloomy,  and 
regards  with  intense  disapproval  the  tray 
outside  RACIE'S  door  before  tapping  at 
MRS.  OLIVER'S.  The  door  opens  slightly.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  139 

JENKS 

You  rang,  ma'am? 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Opening  door  wider  and  disclosing  herself  in 
negligee  and  lace  cap.]  Yes,  Jenks!  Where 
are  we  now? 

JENKS 

Anchored  off  New  London,  ma'am.  It's  close 
on  four  o'clock. 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Handing  him  a  note.~\  Will  you  give  this  to 
Mr.  Ingraham,  Jenks,  as  soon  as  he  wakes? 

JENKS 

[Glumly.]  He's  awake  now,  ma'am.  I  don't 
think  he's  ever  been  asleep.  None  of  the  gentle- 
men has,  ma'am!  The  mosquitoes  are  somethin' 
awful ! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

I  hadn't  noticed  them. 

JENKS 
Not  down  here,  p'raps — but  on  deck — ! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

On  deck? 


140          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

JENKS 

[Gloomily.]  They're  all  sleepin'  on  deck,  the 
men  are.  They  ain't  got  no  other  place  to  sleep. 
[Glowers  at  the  closed  doors.}  You  won't  have 
some  coffee  or  anything,  ma'am? 

MRS.  OLIVER 

Nothing,  thank  you,  Jenks.  [Closes  door.} 
[JENKS,  shaking  his  fist  at  the  closed  doors, 
exits  R.,  as  FROST  comes  creeping  along  the 
upper  deck,  and,  with  infinite  precautions 
to  reach  his  chair  unnoticed,  trips  over  the 
foot  of  TOM'S  chair  and  falls  over  TOM.] 

TOM 

[Rousing  up^  and  hitting  out  violently.}  Oh, 
hang  these  blasted  mosquitoes!  Don't  they  ever 
sleep? 

[FROST  crawls  quickly  under  his  rug  and  pre- 
tends to  be  sleeping  soundly.  Eight  bells 
are  struck.} 

VOICE  OF  THE  WATCH 

[From  the  forward  deck.}  "Eight  bells  and 
all's  well." 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  141 

PACKY 

"Well"?     Hell!     I    haven't    slept    a    wink. 

[Sits  up  suddenly.]     Who  could,  in  that  thing? 

[Bangs  foot  of  steamer-chair  down  and  rises.} 

FROST 

[Pretending  to  rouse  from  slumber.]  I  say, 
you  fellows!  How  can  I  sleep  if  you  throw 
things? 

PACKY 

[Sitting  on  skylight  seat,  and  lighting  a  cigar.] 
Who's  throwin'  things? 

INGRAHAM 

[Crossing  over.]  Here,  Packy,  take  the  bench ! 
I  thought  I  saw  you  prowling  about,  Frost.  Been 
down  to  parley  with  the  enemy? 

PACKY 

Meanin'  our  wives? 

FROST 

[Indignantly.]  How  can  you  suggest  such  a 
thing.  It  would  be  most  undignified!  Besides, 
they're  asleep ! 


142          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

PACKY 

[Resentfully,  killing  a  mosquito.}  Ho!  They 
can  sleep !  Look  at  us ! 

TOM 

[Exploding.}  You  don't  deserve  to  sleep! 
Getting  us  all  into  a  mess  like  this ! 

PACKY 

That's  right!  You  jump  on  me,  too!  You're 
as  bad  as  the  women  were  last  night ! 

[He  strolls  off  toward  the  rail,  smoking.} 

FROST 

[Pensively.}  I  never  was  so  surprised!  How 
anybody  could  object  to  the  presence  on  board  of 
a  lady  like  Mrs.  Oliver  .  .  . 

TOM 

[Interrupts.}  Oh,  come,  Charlie,  you  couldn't 
call  her  that  exactly — 

FROST 

[Hotly.}  But  I  do.  I'll  swear  that,  however 
she  happened  to  come,  she  is  a  lady,  and  a  thor- 
oughbred ! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  143 

INGRAHAM 

[Pleased.]  Right,  Charlie!  You're  a  thor- 
oughbred yourself,  when  it  comes  to  "thinking  no 
evil" ! 

FROST 

[Embarrassed.]  You — you  never  can  tell! 
Suppose  a — a — a  man  tries  to  kill  his  mother-in- 
law, — how  do  you  know  she  didn't  try  to  kill  him 
first? 

TOM 

[Bitterly.]  It's  a  pity  our  wives  aren't  more 
like  Charlie.  They  seemed  very  ready  to  think 
the  worst  of  us,  without  giving  us  a  chance  to 
explain. 

FROST 

But  we  haven't  anything  to  explain ! 

TOM 

[Same.]  Why  can't  they  find  that  out  before 
they  rush  off  and  bolt  themselves  in? 

PACKY 

[Coming  down.]  Yes!  It's  hard  to  be  un- 
justly blamed,  when  one  is  innocent.  Queer,  too. 
Just  the  one  time  when  I  hadn't — 


144          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

Oh,  shut  up,  Packy!  Being  unjustly  blamed 
is  a  novelty  for  you ! 

TOM 

It's  beastly  unfair,  just  the  same,  and  I  won't 
stand  for  it!  [Rises.]  Any  woman  that  bolts 
doors  on  her  husband  needn't  think  she'll  find  him 
on  the  mat  the  next  morning!  Let's. cut  out  the 
rest  of  the  trip  and  take  the  six  o'clock  express 
back  to  town! 

[INGRAHAM  disturbed.] 

PACKY 
By  Jove !     That's  a  good  idea ! 

FROST 

[Rising  majestically  and  imitating  MRS.  PACK- 
ARD.] "Mr.  Ingraham,  I  must  ask  you  to  let  me 
off  at  New  London — my  connection  with  this 
cruise  is  at  an  end." 

PACKY 

[Eagerly.]  And  Inky  can  explain  to  the  la- 
dies after  we're  gone ! 

INGRAHAM 

Oh !     I'm  to  explain  to  a  row  of  closed  doors, 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  145 

am  I? — while  you  skip  off  to  town,  you  miser- 
able bunch  of  quitters,  you ! 

PACKY 

Don't  get  peeved,  Inky !  After  all,  it  was  you 
who  started  all  this  in  the  first  place — 

INGRAHAM 

I  started  it? 

PACKY 

With  your  telegrams — 

TOM 
And  your  telephone  messages — 

FROST 

And  your  theories  about  "Zurich  in  the  olden 
time" ! 

PACKY 

[To  Ingraham.}  We  all  know  how  you  love 
to  play  the  diplomat !  Like  most  #/2married  peo- 
ple, you  think  you're  hell-on-wheels  when  it  comes 
to  giving  married  people  advice — 

INGRAHAM 

Don't  talk  to  me  about  married  people !  Of  all 
the  ungrateful  serpents  on  this  earth,  married  peo- 


146          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

pie  are  the  worst !     If  ever  I  try  to  meddle  in  their 
affairs  again,  may  I  be  everlastingly — 

FROST 
[Mildly. ]     Blessed  are  the  peace-makers,  Inky ! 

INGRAHAM 

[Bitterly.}  I'm  a  great  little  peace-maker! 
Look  at  this  boat!  [Waves  his  hand  round.} 
And  this  was  a  pleasure-trip ! 

TOM 
Since  when  was  this  a  pleasure-trip? 

INGRAHAM 

Not  since  you  came  on  board,  Tom ! 

PACKY 

[Groans.]  Not  since  I  heard  Carrie's  voice 
down  in  the  cabin. 

FROST 

A  pleasure  trip— with  Emily?  It  can't  be 
done. 

PACKY 
Where  do  you  keep  that  old  brandy,  Inky*? 

INGRAHAM 

In  the  sideboard  locker.  [Hands  key.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  147 

[PACKY  exits  Left,  FROST  and  TOM  Right, 
as  JENKS  comes  on  L.  with  the  note,  which 
he  hands  to  INGRAHAM.] 

INGRAHAM 

[Reading  note.]  Jenks,  Mrs.  Oliver  wishes  to 
go  ashore  in  time  for  the  six  o'clock  train.  Have 
the  launch  manned  and  at  the  side  in  half  an 
hour.  I  wish  you  to  go  with  Mrs.  Oliver  to  the 
train,  and  see  yourself  that  she  is  made  thoroughly 
comfortable. 

JENKS 

All  right,  sir.  An'  if  anybody  else  wants  to 
go,  sir? 

INGRAHAM 

Say  that  the  launch  will  make  a  second  trip, 
and,  Jenks — [meaningly]  keep  the  launch  ashore 
till  the  last  train  for  New  York  has  left.  You 
understand? 

JENKS 
[Grins  and  winks.]     Aye,  aye,  sir! 

[They  exeunt  together  R.  as  PACKY  enters 
cabin  from  R.  below,  and  after  looking  all 
about  the  cabin,  tiptoes  to  MRS.  FROST'S 
stateroom  door  and  applies  himself  to  the 
keyhole.] 


148          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

PACKY 

[Cautiously.]  I — I  say,  old  girl!  I  say,  Car- 
rie! Drop  it,  won't  you*?  This  is  all  rot!  I 
swear  to  you  that  I'm  entirely  innocent  this  time ! 
And  I'm  going  to  turn  over  a  new  leaf.  [Chang- 
ing suddenly  from  one  foot  to  another,  as  a  mos- 
quito bites  his  ankle. ,]  Damn  it ! —  No,  I  didn't 
mean  that!  [Cajolingly '.]  Can  you  hear  me, 
old  girl?  [Straightens  up,  sees  the  card  on  the 
door.]  Oh  Lord,  Mrs.  Frost!  I  beg  your  par- 
don! My  mistake! 

[Moves     backwards     and     stumbles     into 
RACIE'S  tray,  with  a  clatter. ,] 

TOM 

[Running  down  the  steps  and  finding  PACKY 
trying  to  rise,  clinging  to  the  handle  of  RACIE'S 
door.]  What  are  you  doing  there,  Packy*? 
That's  not  your  stateroom! 

PACKY 

[Desperately.]  I  don't  seem  to  be  able  to  find 
mine! 

TOM 

[Helping  him  up.]  You've  had  too  much 
brandy ! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  149 

PACKY 

I  haven't  had  any  yet!  [Looking  ruefully  at 
the  tray.]  I'm  afraid  I've  spoilt  Mrs.  Upde- 
graff's  dinner. 

TOM 

[Inspecting  tray.}  She  hadn't  touched  it! 
[As  PACKY  goes  down  to  the  sideboard  and 
takes  the  brandy  from  the  locker,  TOM 
draws  a  card  from  his  pocket,  scribbles  a 
couple  of  lines  on  it,  and  watching  till 
PACKY'S  back  is  turned,  slips  it  under 
RACIE'S  door.] 

PACKY 

[At  sideboard,  pouring  out  brandy.]  Have 
some4? 

TOM 

No,  thanks.  [Goes  R.  and  exits.] 

[As  PACKY  is  about  to  drink  off  a  glass  of 
brandy  the  handle  of  MRS.  FROST'S  door 
turns,  the  door  opens  very  slightly  and  her 
arm  is  thrust  out.  PACKY  sets  down  the 
brandy  and  exits  noisily,  Right.  The 
arm  comes  further  out  and  claws  a  dish 
off  the  tray  in  front  of  the  door,  with  a 


150          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

rattle  of  china.  MRS.  PACKARD'S  door 
now  opens  and  a  listening  head  is  thrust 
out — it  opens  a  little  wider,  and  MRS. 
PACKARD  is  visible  wearing  a  practical- 
looking  wadded  bath-robe.  She  and  MRS. 
FROST,  who  wears  a  blue  flannel  wrapper, 
and  has  her  hair  in  curl  papers^  lean  from 
their  doors  to  each  other.] 

MRS.  PACKARD 

[Listening.}     What  was  that? 

MRS.   FROST 

[With  a  saucer  of  coffee- jelly  in  her  hand  of 
which  she  partakes  ravenously.]  Only  me,  Car- 
rie. Aren't  you  nearly  starved? 

[Comes  down  C.] 

MRS.  PACKARD 

[Coming  down.]  No,  I  couldn't  eat.  I'm 
being  eaten!  [Kills  a  mosquito. \  Where  are 
the  men? 

MRS.  FROST 

Somewhere  on  deck.  I  thought  I  heard  Charlie 
cough.  [In  a  whisper,  taking  MRS.  PACKARD'S 
elbow.}  Carrie,  where  is  she? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  151 

MRS.  PACKARD 

[Pom t 'ing  to  stateroom  L.]     In   there.     She 
couldn't  very  well  leave  before  daylight. 

MRS.   FROST 

Do  you  think  she  heard  what  you  said,  last 

night? 

MRS.   PACKARD 

Unless  the  woman's  stone  deaf,  Emily,   she 
heard !     I  hope  she  did ! 

[RACIE'S  door  opens,  and  RACIE,  in  a  be- 
witching pink  negligee  and  cap,  but  with 
a  very  troubled  face,  looks  cautiously  out.} 

MRS.    FROST 

[In    penetrating   tones.]     S-s-s-h-h-h!     There 
she  is  now. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

No,  it's  Racie! 

RACIE 

[Stealing  out.]     Where  are  we*? 

[Sees  card  under  her  door  and  picks  it  up 
surreptitiously.] 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Anchored  off  New  London,  I  think.     Isn't  that 
the  Beacon? 


152          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

[As  she  and  MRS.  FROST  exeunt  to  s'py  thro1 
the  port-hole,  RACIE  comes  down  to  C.  seat 
and  reads  her  note  unobserved. 


RACIE 

"This  is  the  second  time  you've  bolted  a  door 
on  me.  There  won't  be  any  third  time.  I'm  off  ! 
Tom."  [Repeats.]  "There  won't  be  any  third 
time"  !  [She  crumples  the  note  and  looks  around 
in  terror.]  Oh,  what  shall  I  do!  Inky  told  me 
not  to  raise  barriers  !  What  shall  I  do"? 

[MRS.  FROST  and  MRS.  PACKARD  reappear. 
MRS.  FROST  takes  another  dish  of  her  tray 
and  comes  down,  eating.  MRS.  PACKARD 
comes  down  C.] 

MRS.    PACKARD 

As  soon  as  it's  day-light  we  can  get  the  sailors 
to  row  us  ashore. 

RACIE 
[Begins  to  cry.]     Oh,  I'm  so  miserable! 

MRS.    FROST 

[Taking  another  dish  from  tray  and  coming  to 
RACIE,  her  face  beaming  with  delight.']  You 
poor  dear  child!  What  is  it? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  153 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Nonsense!  I  don't  see  what  you've  got  to  be 
miserable  about.  If  you'd  been  made  a  fool  of 
like  me — 

RACIE 

I've  made  a  fool  of  myself !     What  shall  I  do'? 

MRS.    PACKARD 

That's  easy  enough.  The  first  thing  is  to  get 
home. 

MRS.    FROST 

Go  home  and  leave  Charlie  on  the  boat  with 
that  woman? 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Don't  be  a  goose,  Emily.  She  won't  stay  after 
we  go!  This  boat's  the  safest  place  you  could 
leave  Charlie,  now. 

RACIE 

[Anxiously.]  But  after  you  get  home,  Car- 
rie? 

MRS.    PACKARD 

That's  not  so  easy.  I've  written  a  letter  to 
my  lawyers — 

RACIE 
[In  a  suppressed  shriek. \     Carrie! 


154          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.    FROST 

[Delighted.}  Stop!  Carrie!  I  can't  listen 
to  another  word!  Go  on! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[After  a  moment's  silence. .]  I've  done  a  lot 
of  thinking  between  fighting  mosquitoes,  and  I've 
come  to  the  conclusion  that  there's  no  use  side- 
stepping facts.  Packy  and  I've  been  as  good  as 
divorced  this  long  time — 

MRS.  FROST 

[Severely.]  As  bad  as  divorced,  you  mean, 
Carrie! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

And  I've  realized  I'm  not  the  woman  to  hold 
such  a  man  as  Packy.  [Laughs  grimly.]  My 
mirror  and  this  morning  light  did  something  to 
convince  me  of  that.  I  wonder  what  face-wash 
that  woman  uses?  ...  If  I  were  to  try  another 
kind  of  corset  .  .  .  I've  been  letting  go  of  my- 
self, lately.  I  wonder  if  I  were  to  try  that  face 
massage  .  .  .  but  those  things  take  so  much 
time!  And  after  all,  why  should  I  try  to  keep 
Packy  hitched  up,  if  he  wants  to  break  away? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  155 

MRS.    FROST 

[  Tartly.  ]     Why ?     Because  it's  good  for  him ! 
[She  is  again  gobbling  the  contents  of  the 
saucer.} 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Have  you  found  much  satisfaction  in  being 
good  for  your  husband,  Emily? 

MRS.    FROST 

[Eating. ,]     I've  had  the  comfort  of  knowing 
I've  done  my  duty  by  him ! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

But  has  he  had  much  comfort  out  of  it,  do  you 
think? 

MRS.    FROST 

[At  her  door,   depositing  dish   on   tray.}     I 
never  thought  of  that! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Well,  give  it  a  thought  now  and  then !     Come 
on,  Racie  dear,  we'd  better  dress. 

[MRS.    FROST    exits    into    her    stateroom. 
RACIE  intercepts  MRS.  PACKARD.] 


156          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

RACIE 

[Timidly.]  Carrie!  I  don't  believe  face- 
wash  and  massage  are  so  important,  though  they 
help.  Perhaps  if  you  and  Packy  cared  more 
about  the  same  things — 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Cynically.]  Same  things'?  Packy's  never 
cared  for  anything  but  motors  and  women. 

RACIE 

Perhaps  if  you'd  cared  more  for  motors  he'd 
have  cared  less  for  women.  If  Tom  cared  for 
motors  I'd  be  willing  to  eat  and  sleep  in  them  if 
that  would  make  him  spend  his  spare  time  with 
me  and  not  with  men. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Entering  her  stateroom.]  You  can  be  thank- 
ful it's  with  men. 

RACIE 
I  can't  be  thankful  for  anything  now ! 

[Sits  forlornly  down  on  centre  seat  and  be- 
gins to  cry  quietly  among  the  cushions. 
The  handle  of  MRS.  OLIVER'S  door  turns 
noiselessly  and  MRS.  OLIVER  comes  softly 
out.  She  is  dressed  to  go  ashore,  in  hat, 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  157 

veil  and  ulster,  and  walks  with  a  slight 
limp,  but  crosses  the  stage  swiftly,  and 
without  seeing  RACIE  among  the  cushions. 
She  has  ascended  the  first  step  of  the  com- 
panionway,  when  a  muffled  sob  reaches  her 
ear;  she  turns  quickly  and  sees  RACIE. 
She  pauses  for  a  moment,  ascends  another 
step  as  if  to  hurry  away  unseen,  then 
pauses  again,  and  turning  quickly,  de- 
scends the  steps  and  comes  down  C.] 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Touching  RACIE'S  arm.]     Mrs.   Updegraff! 
Why  are  you  crying? 

RACIE 

[Raises  her  head,  indignant  when  she  sees  who 
it  is.]     Oh,  it's  you!     I'm  not  crying. 

MRS.  OLIVER 

\Indulg ently.~\     Oh,  oh"? — you're  not  crying! 
Then  why  are  you — not  crying? 

RACIE 

[Rising  and  trying  to  pass.]     Excuse  me!     I 
can't  possibly  tell  you  anything! 


158          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Impatiently,  and  detaining  her.]  Oh! 
Leave  me  out  of  the  question.  It's  you  who  mat- 
ter. Listen  to  me !  If  you've  made  a  blunder — 

RACIE 
Oh,  if  we  talk  of  blunders — 

MRS.  OLIVER 

I  tell  you,  leave  me  out!  Supposing  I  have 
blundered,  is  that  any  reason  why  I  should  see 
you  making  a  muddle  of  your  life — you  who  have 
everything — youth,  beauty,  love — will  you  kindly 
tell  me  why  you  are  crying? 

RACIE 

[Suddenly  breaking  down.]  Marriage  is  so 
difficult! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

"Difficult" !  If  ever  there  was  a  marriage  on 
velvet  it's  yours — and  you've  no  excuse  for  not 
making  it  the  greatest  success  in  the  world! 

RACIE 
[Forgetting  herself.]     But  how*?     How? 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  159 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Sitting  down  beside  her.}  I  can  tell  you  how 
not.  Don't  make  mountains  out  of  molehills. 

RACIE 

You  don't  call  one's  wedding  anniversary  a 
"molehill"? 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Smiling.]  It's  not  so  important  as  the  thing 
it  stands  for,  is  it?  [Brushes  RACIE'S  hair  out  of 
her  eyes.]  So  long  as  your  husband  doesn't  for- 
get that  he  is  married  to  you,  so  long  as  he  shows 
you  every  day  of  his  life  that  he  hasn't  forgotten 
what  that  wedding  stood  for — what  do  you  care 
about  the  date?  [Turns  a  little  away  from 
RACIE  and  speaks  rapidly.]  I  once  heard  of  a 
man  whose  wife  did  care  about  dates.  He  wired 
to  a  little  friend  with  whom  he  had  made  a  week- 
end engagement  in  Paris:  "For  Heaven's  sake 
change  date.  Forgot  domestic  anniversary. 
Quite  free  next  week."  And  he  was! 

RACIE 

[Slowly.]  Free  to  go  to  Paris  with — another 
woman? 


160          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.  OLIVER 

It's  the  husband  who  carefully  observes  domes- 
tic anniversaries,  however  they  bore  him,  who  is 
always  "quite  free  next  week!" 

RACIE 

[Same.]  If  I  thought  my  husband  could  ever 
do  that! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

It's  all  in  your  own  hands !  Ah,  my  dear  .  .  . 
[With  emotion.}  If  I  were  starting  out  in  life 
with  a  strong,  clean,  spirited  fellow  like  that — 
my  husband  wouldn't  know  there  was  another 
woman  but  me  in  the  world ! 

[RACIE,  moved,  is  about  to  s^peak,  when 
MRS.  FROST  and  MRS.  PACKARD  enter 
from  their  respective  staterooms,  in  hats 
and  coats.  They  meet  each  other,  and 
come  down.} 

MRS.  FROST 

Carrie!  Carrie!  I  think  it  would  be  much 
safer  if  we  let  her  go  first !  I  don't  like  leaving 
Charlie  on  the  boat  with  that  woman ! 

[Sees  RACIE  and  MRS.  OLIVER  and  breaks 
off  abruptly.  MRS.  OLIVER  rises  swiftly, 
then  wavers,  her  face  showing  great  pain.} 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  161 

RACIE 

[Springing  to  steady  her.]  Oh,  your  ankle  is 
paining  you!  You  did  sprain  it,  didn't  you? 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Nodding.}     Yes! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

You're  not  going  to  believe  that,  are  you, 
Racie? 

MRS.    FROST 

[Crosses  to  table.]  Come  away!  Can't  you 
see  it's  a  part  of  her  game*? 

RACIE 

[Indignantly.]  How  can  you,  Emily?  Mrs. 
Oliver  hasn't  any  game! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Crossing  also.]  Oh,  hasn't  she?  Anything 
that  a  woman  undertakes  to  do  is  her  game. 
Some  of  them  don't  succeed  very  well. 

[They  both  sit.] 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Recovering  from  the  pain,  rises  and  faces  MRS. 
PACKARD.]  You're  quite  right,  Mrs.  Packard. 


162          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

Some  of  them  don't  succeed  at  all !  What  about 
yours — the  marriage  game — how  do  you  succeed 
in  that? 

MRS.    PACKARD 

Our  game? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[With  spirit.]  You  married  women  under- 
take to  please  one  man,  and  you  don't  even  do 
that! 

MRS.    FROST 

Silence ! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Well,  do  you?  I've  watched  you,  and  I  can't 
understand  what  you're  about !  You're  in  clover, 
all  of  you,  and  you  don't  know  it!  You  aren't 
in  earnest,  any  of  you!  You  hold  "no- trump" 
hands,  and  you  just  make  it  "spades" ! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Roused.]  Oh,  come,  Mrs.  Oliver!  I  draw 
the  line  there! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

You're  too  good  a  bridge-player,  Mrs.  Pack- 
ard, not  to  know  that  you  can't  win  at  any  game 
except  by  playing  it  to  win!  Look  how  a  man 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  163 

slaves  over  his  business  —  he  doesn't  hope  to  suc- 
ceed unless  he  puts  his  whole  heart  into  it  !  Why 
don't  any  of  you  work  as  hard  to  make  marriage 
a  success1?  Why  don't  you,  once  you're  in  it,  feel 
that  you've  got  to  make  good?  And  why  don't 
you,  if  you  fail,  feel  the  same  humiliation  that 
a  man  does  at  bankruptcy"?  After  all,  it's  your 
job!  And  yet  most  women  behave,  when  they 
marry,  as  tho'  they'd  finished  a  job,  not  begun  it! 
They  look  on  their  husbands  as  cinched,  and  re- 
gard any  effort  on  their  part  to  hold  them  as  "most 
undignified."  Imagine  a  man  entering  a  business, 
and  feeling  it  beneath  him  to  make  any  effort  to 
hold  that  business  ! 

MRS.    FROST 

Oh,  but  in  business  the  competition  is  so  great  ! 
[MRS.  OLIVER  casts  up  her 


MRS.    PACKARD 

[Cynically.  ]  Yes,  Emily,  and  is  there  no 
competition  in  marriage'? 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Earnestly.]  None  that  a  wife  need  fear,  if 
she  plays  her  game  and  the  other  woman's  too. 
There's  an  incident  in  the  life  of  Disraeli  that 


164  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

always  touched  me  very  much.  On  the  night  of 
one  of  his  most  famous  parliamentary  triumphs 
Disraeli  walked  home  to  tell  his  wife.  The  re- 
port had  preceded  him;  she  greeted  him  with  joy, 
and  escorted  him  in  to  supper.  There  at  his  place 
was  a  favorite  dish  which  the  doctors  had  for- 
bidden him  to  eat — an  unusually  large  bunch  of 
his  favorite  flowers — choice  and  rare  wines. 
Other  subtle  and  charming  attentions  marked  the 
progress  of  the  meal.  After  a  while,  Disraeli 
rose,  crossed  over  to  his  wife  and  kissed  her  with 
the  words:  "You  are  more  like  a  mistress  than 
a  wife"!  Mrs.  Disraeli  thought  that  was  the 
highest  compliment  she  ever  received ! 

MRS.    FROST 

7  think  Mr.  Disraeli  used  most  improper 
language ! 

RACIE 

[Impulsively.']  It's  a  beautiful  story,  and  I 
don't  wonder  Mrs.  Disraeli  was  proud  of  it!  If 
we  studied  our  husbands  as  she  did — 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Softly.]  There'd  be  no  competition,  Mrs. 
Packard.  [Goes  up  Left.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  165 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Suddenly,  aside  to  MRS.  FROST.]  She's 
right! 

MRS.    FROST 

Nonsense,  Carrie!  How  can  such  a  woman 
be  right !  You  wouldn't  hold  up  her  example — 
would  you? 

MRS.    PACKARD 

No — not  her  example,  but  her  method.  Her 
technique  is  wonderful!  I've  been  a  fool. 
Here's  where  I  tip  over  the  bridge  table  and  start 
in  to  recapture  Packy!  [Rises.]  I've  made  it 
too  easy  for  him  to  replace  me,  if  stockings  will 
doit!  [About to  exit  R.] 

'MRS.  FROST 

Don't  be  coarse,  Carrie !  [About  to  follow  her 
— turns  suddenly  on  MRS.  OLIVER.]  And  the 
men"?  Isn't  it  their  fault  if  marriage  doesn't  suc- 
ceed?— the  drunkards,  the  rascals,  the — the 
brutes? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

I'm  not  talking  about  the  kind  of  husband  from 
whom  a  wife  must  protect  herself.  I'm  talking 
of  the  typical,  kindly  American  husband,  who 


166          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

works  hard,  and  whose  wife  has  only  to  keep  him 
and  herself  happy,  while  he  is  doing  it.  It  seems 
so  easy!  So  easy!  And  you  don't  do  it.  Nine 
women  out  of  ten  don't  do  it!  Why,  I  could 
take  on  any  one  of  your  jobs,  and  make  a  howling 
success  of  it!  [Looks  round  at  each  in  turn.] 
Yours,  or  yours,  or  yours !  Don't  be  frightened ! 
[As  MRS.  FROST  gives  a  squawk  of  "Charlie!"  and 
disappears  Right.  MRS.  PACKARD,  after  a  mo- 
ment, follows  her.]  I'm  not  going  to!  They 
don't  interest  me  much,  except  yours —  [Her 
voice  drops  to  gentleness  and  she  comes  to  RACIE.] 
Never  mind  the  others !  They  may  do  something 
towards  a  better  adjustment,  they'll  never  get 
back  that  first  freshness  which  only  the  youth  of 
passion  knows — the  glory  and  the  dream!  You 
have  it  still — don't  kill  it!  It's  the  most  won- 
derful thing  in  the  world.  Don't  smother  it 
under  the  trappings  of  life.  Carry  it  naked  and 
unashamed!  Ride,  like  Lady  Godiva,  through 
the  market-place.  Men's  eyes  will  fall  before 
you,  and  they  will  kneel  in  prayer. 

[MRS.  OLIVER  gives  RACIE  her  hand  which 
RACIE  presses,  too  much  moved  for  speech, 
and  turning  away,  re-enters  her  stateroom 
as  MRS.  PACKARD  re-enters  R.] 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  167 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Hastily.]  Mrs.  Oliver,  I  must  apologize  to 
you!  I  nearly  forgot  to  settle  my  bridge  debt. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Oh,  please,  Mrs.  Packard — 

MRS.    PACKARD 

I've  a  shocking  bad  memory,  but  I  never  forget 
a  debt. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Distressed.}  But  I  haven't  given  you  your 
revenge. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Looking  her  between  the  eyes.]  I  don't  want 
any  revenge — the  account  between  us  is  closed. 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[Turning  away.]  Thank  you,  but  I 
couldn't — 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Detaining  her.]  Mrs.  Oliver,  you  and  I 
played  bridge  together  in  perfect  good  faith. 
Nothing  which  happened  before  or  since  then  can 
have  any  effect  on  the  fact  that  I  owe  you  forty 


168          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

dollars.     If  I'd  won,  wouldn't  you  have  settled 
with  me? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Hones fly.]     Yes,  I  should,  Mrs.  Packard. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Triumphantly. ~\  You  see!  [A  -pause  while 
she  fumbles  in  her  purse  and  finds  only  some  silver 
and  a  twenty-dollar  bill.]  How  stupid  of  me! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Oh!  one  never  carries  money  around! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

I'll  send  you  a  check — I  have  your  address. 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Gently,  after  a  moment's  pause. ~\  That 
wasn't  my  address,  Mrs.  Packard.  I'll  send  you 
my  address. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

You  never  will!  [Looks  round  in  acute  dis- 
tress.\  I  know!  [Undas'ping  the  string  of 
pearls  from  her  neck.}  Take  these! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Horrified.]     My  dear  Mrs.  Packard! 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  169 

MRS.    PACKARD 

No,  listen!  They're  not  genuine — they're 
only  an  imitation,  tho'  it's  an  awfully  clever  one, 
isn't  it?  [Holds  them  up.]  But  they're  worth 
forty  dollars — I'm  sure  of  that*?  And  if  you'd 
be  so  very  kind  as  to  accept  them,  I'll  be  eternally 
obliged  to  you !  [Puts  them  into  MRS.  OLIVER'S 
hands  with  the  air  of  a  woman  who  will  take  no 
refusal.}  There,  that's  settled!  Good-bye! 

[About  to  exit.] 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Who  has  been  looking  closely  at  the  pearls, 
raises  her  head.]  Wait,  Mrs.  Packard!  I  can't 
do  this! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Turning.]     But  why  not? 

MRS.    OLIVER 

Because  these  pearls  are  real. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

I  said  they  were  a  good  imitation — 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Interrupting  her.]  Entirely  too  good. 
They  are  genuine. 


170          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.    PACKARD 

But  I  tell  you — 

MRS.    OLIVER 

[Detaching  her  own  string  and  laying  them 
beside  MRS.  PACKARD'S.]  Look  at  them  beside 
these! 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Looks.]  There's  a  difference  in  imitations, 
of  course,  but  you  must  allow  me  to  know  my  own 
string.  Why,  Packy  knows,  too!  He  changed 
them  for  me.  [Pulls  herself  up  short.] 

MRS.  OLIVER 

Mrs.  Packard,  I'm  going  to  tell  you  something 
I  overheard  quite  accidentally — your  husband 
never  changed  those  pearls.  He  only  allowed  you 
to  think  so. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Bridling.]     But  that's  impossible! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

He  made  you  a  present  of  them,  twice  over. 
So  you  see,  you  can't  part  with  them.  [Returns 
them  to  MRS.  PACKARD.]  They  are — the  real 
thing.  [Clasps  on  her  own  as  she  turns  away.] 
Mine  are  the  imitation. 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  171 

MRS.    PACKARD 

So  Packy  never —  [Stops,  moved,  looks  at  the 
pearls.]  Good  old  Packy!  [Turns  away,  then 
comes  back  to  MRS.  OLIVER  and  holds  out  her 
hand.]  Thank  you!  [They  shake  hands.] 
I'm  more  in  your  debt  than  ever ! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

[With  quick  courtesy.]  Could  you  spare  me 
your  cigarette-case?  I  said  I  didn't  smoke,  but 
I  do,  and  I'll  keep  it  to  remember  you  by. 

MRS.    PACKARD 

[Earnestly.]  Do!  [Presses  the  case  into 
MRS.  OLIVER'S  hand  and  hurries  R,  pausing  at 
door.]  I  shan't  forget  you,  either,  Mrs.  Oliver. 
You — you're  wonderful! 

[Exits  R.  While  they  are  talking,  IN- 
GRAHAM  has  come  down  the  companion- 
way.  He  removes  his  cap,  and  approaches 
MRS.  OLIVER.] 

INGRAHAM 

You're  the  most  wonderful  woman  in  the  world. 
You've  come  among  us  all  and  taught  us  the 
gospel  of  marriage.  You've  made  even  me  see 
that  it's  the  only  thing  worth  while. 


172  THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

MRS.    OLIVER 

It's  the  outsiders  who  sometimes  see  clearest! 

INGRAHAM 

Queer,  isn't  it,  that  so  many  people  should  look 
down  on  marriage,  sneer  at  it,  and  think  that  more 
pleasure  is  to  be  found  in  irregularities!  Yet, 
whenever  a  man  finds  a  woman  he  really  loves, 
he  wishes  to  make  her  his  wife.  The  other  rela- 
tionship may  do  for  a  passing  emotion,  a  gratified 
vanity,  but  the  real  thing — there's  nothing  good 
enough  for  the  real  thing  but  marriage! 

MRS.    OLIVER 

And  there's  nothing  good  enough  for  marriage 
but  the  real  thing.  Remember,  "white's  the 
only  wear" —  [She  starts  up  the  steps  and 
•winces.] 

INGRAHAM 

You're  in  pain!  [Remembers,  laughs.]  I 
forgot!  You're  such  a  good  actress  you  make  me 
feel  as  tho'  you  really  had  hurt  yourself ! 

MRS.  OLIVER 

A  good  actress  would  never  show  it  if  she  had ! 
There's  the  launch!  No!  [As  he  starts  to  fol- 


THE  MARRIAGE  GAME  173 

low  her.]     I'd  rather  go  alone,  please!     Good- 
bye. 

[Gives  him  her  hand  which  he  shakes 
warmly.] 

INGRAHAM 

Good-bye,  Mrs.  Oliver! 

[He  stands  looking  after  her,  and  as  she  dis- 
appears he  raises  his  hand  to  his  uncovered 
head  and  salutes.] 

[She  disappears  u'fc  the  steps,  INGRAHAM 
gazing  after  her.  A  few  moments  later 
she  crosses  the  deck,  pauses,  and  exits  over 
the  side.  Enter  TOM  R.] 

TOM 

Inky,  the  others  are  all  going  ashore.  They're 
planning  a  motor-trip  to  Harvard  for  Charlie's 
reunion — 

RACIE 
[Entering  from  stateroom.]     Tom! 

TOM 

Racie  dear,  we've  both  been  idiots.  Let  'em 
all  go,  and  we'll  have  another  honeymoon  cruise ! 

[Embrace.] 


174          THE  MARRIAGE  GAME 

INGRAHAM 

[Taking  the  clipping  from  pocket  and  reading 
from  it.}     "In  Zurich,  in  the  olden  time"  .  .  . 


CURTAIN 


END    OF    PLAY 


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